KS developer admits he bribed Junction City official

So that he'd get support for a construction project, the AP reports.

Give me the money, or Mr. Coffee gets it

A Nebraska woman is accused of stealing her niece's Mr. Coffee, Lincoln police say. The aunt had done a week's worth of housesitting and wanted to be paid $48 before she returned Mr. Coffee unharmed, they allege.

"I'm not the best criminal"

College student tries to steal computer from jail where he was being held at the time.

MO Supremes refuse new trial, DNA tests for Dale Helmig

But attorneys for Helmig, who was convicted of murdering his mother, can file similar requests at the trial-court level, AP reports. We've previously written about Helmig here and here.

Who was Anthony Barnett?

From Christine Vendel: Kansas City police today identified the man fatally shot and run over in front of his home Monday as Anthony Barnett, 24.

Police said Barnett went outside to meet some people in a vehicle in the 2000 block of Kensington Avenue. An occupant of the vehicle fatally shot him. The vehicle ran over his leg as it sped away. ... Detectives were investigating robbery as a possible motive.

Cross-dressing clown robs liquor store at gunpoint

"She" said that her husband had been laid off and that they needed the money for their children, the Denver Post reports. Story is from Boulder.

Handcuffed suspect unzips cohort's fly so he can urinate in squad car's backseat, police say

So the guy wouldn't wet his pants. That's true friendship. I'm pretty sure there's a Precious Moments figurine showing something like this. Story is from Washington state.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, JUNGLE JIM!

Group of teens holds up Stadium Liquors

KCTV has the story here. KC police are pretty sure they were no older than 14 or 15.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, JUNGLE JIM and Searching!

Maybe Bernie will have company in prison?

The AP says charges are coming for 10 other people related to the Madoff Ponzi scheme.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, Searching!

World's Dumbest Burglar?

Virginia police say a burglar broke into a Suffolk home and, instead of ransacking the joint, spent a few comfortable hours eating snacks and watching porn. He tried to use the victim's cellphone, which was actually an old one that had a dead battery and didn't have service. The burglar apparently searched through the house to find a charger and, once it was ready, tried to dial out.

The phone didn't make calls. But it did take pictures. The burglar took a self-portrait ... which police have plastered over the local news.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, kybo61!

Elementary teacher liked to watch kiddie porn in his classroom, IN police say

But he was responsible and only did it "after hours," he says.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, Tim P!

Alleged dope-smoker asks for police escort to Lil' Wayne concert

The exchange, as detailed by The AP:

Dispatch: “Are you sure you haven’t taken something sir? Because you’re not making a whole lot of sense.”

Caller: “I’ve been smoking marijuana.”

Dispatch: “You’ve been smoking marijuana?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Dispatch: “Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?”

Caller: “Why?”

Dispatch: “You just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana.”

Caller: “Awww. Are you serious?”

Red light puts a stop to 29-year fugitive

Georgia authorities say they caught a man who's been on the run for 29 years. They stopped him because he ran a red light.

The creepiest thing you will read today

A Wisconsin woman learns that, for two years, her neighbor has been sneaking into her house to urinate in her laundry basket, use her shower and be creepy, police say.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, JUNGLE JIM!

They found Ashley Snow

From Mark Morris: Jackson County Family Court officials said today that they had located a 15-year-old Kansas City girl, whom they described last week as “missing and endangered.”

Ashley Snow left a hospital against her doctor’s advice on June 5 and had not been seen since, according to a Friday statement from the court asking for media coverage.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, Searching!

Sheboygan man throws box fan at hearing-impaired girlfriend, police say

She didn't have her hearing aid in her ear, so when she couldn't understand what he was trying to say, he allegedly threw a fan at her. Police say he was also drunk at the time.

Open Thread ... Tuesday

Welcome back to the Open Thread, our blog's space for off-topic comments and discussion. If you've seen an interesting story somewhere else, feel free to post a link below.

As always, please follow our standard rules: Please sign your comments, and please avoid profanity, as well as racially and sexually abusive language. And when you sign your comments, please use only one nickname. If you need to reach me, send an email to jhart@kcstar.com.  Thanks again, and have a great day!

"The dog ate my checks"

A Washington woman is accused of stealing money from her ex-husband's bank account -- something she was forced to do, she says, after her dog got into her purse and ate all of her personal checks, the AP reports.

The victims speak ... even in white-collar crimes

The Wall Street Journal points out an interesting fact about yesterday's sentencing of Bernard Madoff: Until a few years ago, victims of nonviolent crimes didn't have the right to address the court during sentencing.

Victim-impact statements are standard in cases involving murders and violent crime. But it took the 2004 Crimes Victims Rights Act to extend that to people who were victims of, say, billion-dollar Ponzi schemes. The WSJ says that Madoff's victims -- and their statements -- played a big part in getting him 150 years instead of a lighter sentence.

If you haven't already, be sure to read what the victims had to say. Many of Madoff's investors were high-rollers, but some were folks of relatively modest means. The fraud has completely ruined some of them. One woman says she's been forced to scavenge from Dumpsters after her food stamps run out.

In this courtroom sketch, Bernard Madoff, center, is seated in front of some of his victims that spoke during his sentencing in Manhattan federal court in New York, Monday, June 29, 2009. (AP Photo/Christine Cornell)

Mexico's Drug War reaches Canada

The Los Angeles Times has a fantastic piece about drug violence in Canada -- violence, authorities say, that's a result of the Mexican crackdown on the cartels.

Because of increased enforcement in Mexico, cocaine deliveries to Canada are disrupted, which forces dealers in British Columbia and other places to fight, the paper says. It's led to a series of homicides, though they are "only" in the double digits, relatively low compared to Mexico, where cartel-related deaths measure in the thousands.

Illegal immigrant accused of threatening to kill cop's family, blow up police HQ and federal courthouse

Cape police were interviewing Pedro Quino-Teodoro over the weekend during an assault investigation when Quino-Teodor, an illegal immigrant, threatened to kill an officer and his family if they contacted ICE.

Naturally, the police decided to contact ICE, who said, yep, Pedro is here illegally. Quino-Teodoro allegedly continued to make broad promises of violence and destruction on the way to jail, including blowing up the Limbaugh Federal Courthouse.

JoCo Sheriff's Office warns public about fireworks

Fireworks, even baby stuff like sparklers, are banned in unincorporated Johnson County unless you've got a permit, and the sheriff's office says it plans to aggressively enforce that rule. Fines run from $25 to $100 for folks caught either selling or possessing fireworks.

Drinking buddies throw unconscious MO man into Mississippi River, police say

There's probably more to the story. The victim, a St. Louisan who was pulled from the river about three miles downstream, says he's known his attackers for a few months, but couldn't remember their names, police say.

AL woman lays down on train tracks to "clear her mind," police say

Amazingly, she is not eligible for this year's Darwin Awards, having sustained a broken leg only.

UK man circumcises himself with nail clippers, authorities say

Not remotely crime-related, but it cried out to be shared. I also love this remark from the hospital, the very model of British understatement:

"This is something we would advise men never to attempt," a medic said, "The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an affect on a man's sexual performance.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, You're A Mean Drunk R2D2!