Pa. man accused of humping dinosaur in park

Philly cops say the man fled the scene on his bicycle.

Half-naked man busted for 'lewd acts' with mannequin, W. Va. cops say

Best Part:

When Deputy Middleton ordered Campbell to stop, Campbell replied, "Just trying to have a little fun."

The weirdest thing you will read today

I'm taking this one with a grain of salt, but a UK man is accused of possessing a picture of a man having sex with a dead squid, the Sun reports. (It was possibly an octopus.) Because the creature was dead, I'm able to use the "Sex Crimes Involving Inanimate Objects" tag. Please help stop the brutalization of these majestic creatures ...

UK man accused of sex with tree

Ah, finally a chance to dust off the old "Sex Crimes Involving Inanimate Objects" tag ...

Image: You sexy thing

Man accused of simulated sex with gumball machine

And "rubbing his pelvis" on movies at his local video store. From the sentencing:

During his sentencing, Musgnung said he never spoke to the girl at the counter at 48 Hours Video, but, “All the other stuff, yeah, I done the videos and everything else, yeah.”

Hat Tip: Saw this via Fark!

N.M. man accused of simulating sex with his car

It allegedly happened in an Albuquerque grocery store's parking lot, in view of an off-duty policeman and his 10-year-old son. Snip:

“Witnesses, including two children, told police that their attention was drawn to Brawner because his pants were around his ankles, he was swinging his arms in the air and shouting while he was ‘humping’ the trunk of his car,” Davis reports in a press release.

Officers say the man was passed out next to the car when they arrived at the scene.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, Jane!

Australian arrested after dry-humping parking meter, police say

Yelling racial epithets at passersby didn't impress the police, who accuse him of causing a public nuisance. The young man was allegedly drunk and celebrating the end of his football season.

Pranks get out of hand, lead to sexual assault charges

There is a line where pranks at teenage parties get out of hand. These Canadian teens allegedly crossed that line.

Hat tip to You're a Mean Drunk R2D2

| Bob Cronkleton

New Mexico man faked having sex with his car, police say

With his pants around his ankles while kiddos watched. Allegedly happened in a grocery store's parking lot. Also? I know it was simulated sex, but it's close enough for us to break out the "sex crimes involving inanimate objects" tag.

Man has threesome with 2 blowup dolls in parking lot -- gets probation

Story is from Florida ...

UK man put a flashlight where the sun doesn't shine, police say

Snip: Mr Shannon continued: “He volunteered to police that he had a stick and a torch inserted in his anus for sexual gratification. He had inserted it because he was depressed.”

Hat Tip: Many thanks, You're A Mean Drunk R2D2!

Man gets 90 days for having sex with vacuum at car wash

I would suggest that his problems are going to take more than 90 days to work themselves out.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, JUNGLE JIM!

Man accused of having sex with car-wash vacuum

Story is from Michigan, and he's decided to plead no-contest.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, JUNGLE JIM!

Man arrested after violating tree

Tampa Bay Online has this headline: "Man fools around with Mother Nature"

(Another good one from yesterday's OT, in case you missed it.)

| Sara Shepherd

Hat tip: Many thanks, You're a Mean Drunk, R2D2!

Wisconsin trio pleads not guilty in corpse-sex case

Still have not explained what they were doing in a graveyard with a shovel, crowbar and condoms, though.

Man accused of having sex with vacuum at car wash

Wow, this really sucks.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, JUNGLE JIM!

Hong Kong man accused of sex with park bench

With photos!

The most terrifying paragraph you will read today

From WANE-TV:

Together, with another responding officer, the two walked up to the home and found the naked man, then on the couch, conducting a lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil.

Saw this via Fark!

Charges dropped against man accused of sexually defiling picnic table

Neighbors submitted video evidence, but the county prosecutor said it didn't support felony charges, though he might file new ones at some point.

OH man accused of having sex with a picnic table

A couple of thoughts ...

1. This stuff usually happens in the UK. So, way to go, Ohio.

2. A tipster reportedly provided 3 DVDs to the police, showing the table-desecration as it happened. Three DVDs!

UK man accused of simulating sex with a lamp post

This follows reports of British gentlemen (and one Pole) engaging in sex acts with pavement, a bicycle and a vacuum cleaner named Henry. If there was ever a case for sex education ...

Hat Tip: Many thanks, You're A Mean Drunk R2D2!

"An overwhelming calm"

A Swedish man is accused of defiling the seats of women's bicycles because it gave him an "overwhelming calm." Snip:

The man was first reported in the spring of 2006 when police found sperm during an investigation involving a slashed bicycle tyre.

How would you like to be the poor police officer who got called to that scene?

Hat Tip: Many thanks, kmb!

Polish man accused of having sex with vacuum cleaner

The authorities say he claimed to be using the vacuum to clean his underwear, a common practice in Poland. Also, the photo of the victim here is truly heartbreaking.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, You're A Mean Drunk R2D2!

Man who humped the street: It was a prank

A UK man accused of pulling down his pants and humping the road itself has pleaded guilty to public indecency. He got probation, but won't be classified as a sex offender. Snip:

Sheriff Drummond commented: “This was bizarre. Anyone who lies on the road in the daylight, is significantly intoxicated and is partially undressed has a problem.”

Hat Tip: Many thanks, You're A Mean Drunk R2D2!

Canadian man loves classic cars ... no, he REALLY loves cars

The Smoking Gun has all the gory details. Also, I've created a tag for "sex crimes involving inanimate objects" to cover the various ne'er-do-wells who choose to have carnal relations with bicycles, fences, stuffed animals, etc.

Hat Tip: Many thanks, You're A Mean Drunk R2D2!