Remote patrol

Is summer almost over? Perhaps because of the 78th "Miss America Pageant" (8 p.m. on Channel 9), the competition is resorting to even sleepier reruns and old movies than usual. Channel 41 offers "Lethal Weapon 2" at 7:30; Channel 62 has "The Package" with Gene Hackman at 7. The best HBO can do is "The Devil's Advocate" at 7. Later, "Saturday Night Live" remembers Phil Hartman - again - at 10:30 p.m. on Channel 41. Edie McClurg guest stars on a "Seinfeld" repeat at 11:05 p.m. on Channel 5.

Take note

Imus mad as heck? When radio legend Don Imus goes on the air Thursday to originate his "Imus in the Morning" program from the Gem Theater, he'll probably still be steaming from a "Biography" that aired last week on the A&E network. It mentioned possible improprieties involving land Imus owns in New Mexico. That sparked a two-day rampage by Imus on his show, which airs locally from 5 to 10 a.m. on KPHN-AM and is simulcast from 5 to 8 a.m. on MSNBC. Imus called "Biography's" supervising producer "one of the more incompetent slimeballs on the planet" and said she should be fired. As for "Biography" host Peter Graves, he's a "washed-up old B movie bozo," according to Imus, who also declared he'll never watch CBS news again because "they don't check their facts. " (A division of CBS produced the "Biography" on Imus.) Imus is an employee of CBS, and his book awards are sponsored by A&E. An A&E publicist said the details of the Imus land deal were first reported by The New York Times and that the network stands behind the program.

Remote patrol

The poignancy, the beauty, the sublime artistry of a master filmmaker in what will be the most talked-about event of the season. No, that doesn't really describe "Late Night With Conan O'Brien's 5th Anniversary Special," which airs at 9 tonight on Channel 41. But you won't want to miss this compendium of comedy excellence from O'Brien (above) and his wonderfully twisted corps of writers. Sidekick Andy Richter and drummer-bandleader Max Weinberg show up in sketches, too, as do a host of oddball characters. If 11:35 p.m. (O'Brien's regular time) is past your bedtime, make sure you catch this hour and see what you've been missing.

Remote patrol

No less than Hank Hill's two-dimensional, ink-and-color pride will be on the line this season when he puts his fictional cartoon family up against Tim Allen's fictional flesh-and-blood family. Tonight, after a Mark McGwire-induced delay of one week, "King of the Hill" launches its third season at 7 p.m. on Fox. Next week "Home Improvement" begins its seventh season. As Hank would say, may the better man win. As Bobby Hill would say, may the funnier show win. As Tim Taylor would say, may the real man win. "King" is followed at 7:30 by the premiere of the unimpressive "Costello."

Remote patrol

"Ally McBeal" returns for a second season at 8 tonight on Channel 4. In the off-season, star Calista Flockhart made the cover of Time (albeit as Ally, not Callie) and there was one addition to the cast: Portia de Rossi, the Australian who starred as a teen-ager in "Sirens" and as a sorority girl in "Scream 2." Like there's not enough eye candy on this show. A better reason to watch "Ally" is the threesome who supply comic relief - Greg Germann's hilariously bottom-line-oriented Fish, Jane Krakowski's extra-meddling Elaine and Peter MacNicol's eccentric (to put it mildly) Biscuit.