New Oscar producers' efforts hardly up to speed

As the 72nd Academy Awards broadcast sputtered past the one-hour mark, presenter Kate Blanchett was heard invoking "Hamlet": "Brevity is the soul of wit," said she, and no, it certainly wasn't a reference to the show. In their first turn at producing the Oscar telecast, Richard D. and Lili Fini Zanuck had spent the last month promising America that this year's Oscars would be shorter than last year's four-hour march. Well, it wasn't shorter, and it definitely wasn't any wittier. The Zanucks compressed certain elements of the broadcast and eliminated others. And perhaps sensing the show would run long anyway, they tried their darndest to keep the screen as busy as possible. The Oscars are not known for being visually ambitious, but this one had floating graphics, shots from backstage, multiple views and a lighted floor that looked like a reject from "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." The telecast got off to a hopeful start with yet another sensational opening montage of movie clips featuring host, Billy Crystal, dropped "Zelig"-like into scenes from "The Exorcist," "Casablanca," "The Graduate" (in drag) and many others. But that was followed by a less illustrious tradition: Crystal singing his usual five musical parodies to the year's five best picture nominees, including a baffling tribute to Michael Caine done to a two-generation-old Broadway tune from "Mame." It was that way the rest of the night. For every lively or captivating moment - such as Caine's heartfelt tribute to his fellow nominees for best supporting actor - there were ponderous ordeals like the segment featuring world history as seen through the lens of Hollywood. That marathon clip reel brought to mind a line from "Macbeth": It was "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." The Zanucks did solve the evening's thorniest problem: how to feature best song nominee "Blame Canada," a foul-mouthed tune from the R-rated cartoon "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut." They turned it into an uproarious, over-the-top musical number led by Robin Williams, who added a censor's touch by entering with a piece of duct tape over his mouth. But too often the program bogged down under the weight of its own gravitas, such as Warren Beatty's windy acceptance speech on receiving the Irving Thalberg Award. The Zanucks didn't help themselves by using announcer Peter Coyote, whose deadpan delivery invited comparisons to sitcom star Norm Macdonald. Only when Macdonald does it, he's trying to be funny. Going into one commercial break, Coyote told us what was coming next: "Oscar winner Burt Bacharach leads an all-star musical salute to past Oscar-nominated songs." Oh boy! Can't wait! Maybe it's just that we have seen all there is to see from Crystal, head writer Bruce Vilanch and the others who have been the brains behind most Oscar telecasts of the past decade. Crystal now belongs to the upper tier of venerable Academy Award ceremony hosts. But unlike Bob Hope or Johnny Carson, Crystal is not a Hollywood icon, which may explain why, for someone who's been doing it so long, his grip on the Oscars seems unusually tenuous. To reach Aaron Barnhart, call (816) 234-4790 or visit the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com >>>