Remote patrol

The summer TV season gets into full swing tonight with an unusually long list of choices, including the debut of the desert-island game show "Survivor" on CBS (7 tonight, Channel 5). Tune in and see local man B.B. Andersen - it may be your only chance. (He gets voted off the island early.) The only certifiable do-not-miss program, for those who can stomach it, is "The Tulsa Lynching of 1921: A Hidden Story" (5:30, Cinemax). This documentary sheds light on the long-obscured race riot that is now considered the country's most shameful act of terrorism. As many as 300 African-Americans died, and the city's entire middle-class black neighborhood was destroyed by white men then looted by white women. A commission is still sorting through the evidence, but you can see it for yourself in this searing film, which includes photographs and first-hand accounts. @ART CAPTION:Two telling still images from the Tulsa lynching story @ART:Photos (2) >>>

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After returning from a day with the kids at Worlds of Fun, the last thing you may want to see is Discovery channel's triple-header of specials devoted to the thrills and chills of roller-coaster rides. But look at it as planning for your next family vacation. The three-hour tour of the nation's amusement rides begins at 7 tonight with a survey of the top 10 roller coasters, as rated in an annual industry poll. Two of the top four are at Kennywood in West Mifflin, Pa. - but finishing a surprising third is the venerable Cyclone on Coney Island, N.Y., still going after 73 years and, yes, still made of wood. The show's third hour profiles "extreme rides" like the Medusa, a coaster in New Jersey that has no floor, thus allowing the patrons' loose coins, keys and dentures to pass directly to the spectators below. @ART CAPTION:A little upside-down fun on the Riddler's Revenge at Six Flags Scream Park. @ART: Photo (color) >>>

Remote patrol weekend

"Dirty Pictures" is an unbalanced and uneven docudrama about the controversial 1989 exhibit of the late photographer Robert Mapplethorpe in Cincinnati. The film will be shown at 8 p.m. Saturday on Showtime. James Woods is terrific as Dennis Barrie, the art curator who allowed Mapplethorpe's controversial prints into his gallery and later was put on trial for criminal obscenity. Much of "Dirty Pictures" focuses on the public scrutiny and ostracization he and his family endured during the exhibit and trial. The film's major flaw is its attempt to blend dramatization, documentary style and advocacy. Although the main story is fictionalized, sound bites are dropped in from actual critics and defenders of the Mapplethorpe exhibit, including commentators Bill Buckley and Fran Lebovitz, author Salman Rushdie and congressman Barney Frank. The effect is disorienting, especially since Mapplethorpe's defenders always sound much more eloquent and reasoned than his critics. And the movie's direction is horrible: Whenever someone is shown looking at the photographs, they invariably flinch as though hit by a shovel. The trial's many overwrought moments suggest someone watched too many episodes of "The Practice." After the movie Showtime airs a documentary on Mapplethorpe and the exhibit brouhaha. @ART CAPTION:Mapplethorpe @ART CREDIT:MAPPLETHORPE ESTATE @ART CAPTION:Woods @ART:Photos (2) >>>

Cable has the fresh stuff; This summer's high-quality television programming includes family fare

Right around the time the big networks air their "season finale" episodes in May, millions of Americans begin to cut down on their TV watching. They crawl out of their cocoons, head for the beach, take vacations or otherwise reconnect with that wide, wonderful world out there. They don't know what they're missing. Summer, as all enlightened couch potatoes know, is one of the very best times to watch TV. And it's mainly due to cable. And this summer that will mean a much wider menu of choices than ever. As Time Warner continues its yearlong upgrade of the Johnson County cable system, tens of thousands of viewers this summer will see better-quality, fiber optic-delivered pictures. And customers who choose to take full advantage of the new digital-cable feature will more than triple their video and audio options. Even if you have all the channels you want, there will be more new, original shows on cable this summer than at any time in its history. More than half of the 40 top-rated channels will introduce at least one new series this summer, according to an industry journal, Electronic Media. So crank up the AC, pull down the shades, grab your remote and if anybody objects, simply remind them: Television is your best entertainment value. Thanks to cable, there's more family-friendly programming than ever on TV. One gem that's available to digital customers is HBO Family, with nothing but G- and PG-rated fare, much of it produced by HBO. It's of the highest quality: adaptations of the Great Books, commercial-free movies, docudramas on the lives of famous inventors and artists, "Dear America" (based on the popular historical novels for kids) and charming animated shows like "George and Martha" and "Babar." Lifetime already has one great drama series in "Any Day Now," the story of interracial friends who grew up in the civil-rights cauldron of Birmingham, Ala. Now it hopes to double viewers' pleasure with "Strong Medicine," a series about (take a guess) two women running a medical clinic. That's in July. In June, Lifetime will launch a game show and a reality show focusing on the lovelorn. TNT has recruited Stanley Tucci to headline "The Bull," that channel's first original series. It's about a group of 20-somethings who quit their Wall Street jobs to launch their own firm, and the show will have its debut Aug. 15. And TNT will keep producing movies, as it does year-round, including Mardi Gras thriller "On Hostile Ground" June 11, and "Deadlocked" - featuring a rare sighting of ex-"NYPD Blue" star David Caruso - on June 18. Odyssey, which is backed partly by Hallmark, will have a weekly drama series based on the works of H.G. Wells in August. Sci-Fi Channel is also adapting the sci-fi master with an updated version of "Invisible Man." Comedy Central has its annual "premiere week" starting June 18 with comedian Julie Brown's new sitcom, "Strip Mall," about the scandalous lives that exist behind the facade of suburban Rancho del Toro. Also starting that week are "The League of Gentlemen," in which just three male actors play all the citizens of a small town; and "Don't Forget Your Toothbrush," a game show in which contestants are picked from the audience, with the winner immediately whisked away on their grand (or not-so-grand) getaway. (Yes, there will be a fresh "South Park" that week, too.) Showtime's summer will feature the premieres of two shows with diverse casts: "Resurrection Blvd." has an all-Hispanic cast in a drama about a family in Los Angeles, and "Soul Food" is an African-American series based on the 1997 movie. Perhaps CBS and UPN will follow suit; like Showtime, they're owned by CBS-Viacom. Cartoon Network will showcase Bugs Bunny with a 48-hour marathon beginning 10 a.m. June 2 in its annual "June Bugs" special. It will include 20 shorts the channel hasn't shown before. The Cartoon Network also will unveil three new cartoons in June: "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy," about two kids who take on the Grim Reaper when he comes for their pet hamster (June 9); "Whatever Happened to Robot Jones?", about a young robot suffering the perils of middle school (June 16); and "Clever Trevor," about a young boy with an active imagination (June 23). Former "Daily Show" cutup Brian Unger is back with a satirical look at the show business world for the E! channel titled "Hollywood Off-Ramp" (June 4). Former "Seinfeld" schlemiel Jason Alexander goes behind the camera as executive producer of "Liquid Soap," a new soap-opera spoof for Fox Family Channel. Food TV is adding six new shows in June, including "Food Nation with Bobby Flay." That show will focus on regional cooking. Flay also is part of a new "Iron Chef" show in June in which the Japanese All-Stars go to New York. Bravo jumped the gun and launched the second season of Michael Moore's edgy TV newsmagazine "The Awful Truth" on May 17. Among the stories Moore and Co. are tackling: a possible sibling rivalry between Jeb and George W. Bush in which the two governors see who can execute more inmates. Animal Planet will have the premiere of the movie "The Trial of Old Drum" (June 9), based on the true story of a beloved golden retriever put on trial in Warrensburg, Mo., in 1955 for killing a sheep. Randy Travis stars. To reach Aaron Barnhart, phone (816) 234-4790 or visit the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:'Soul Food' Showtime series based on a 1997 movie @ART CREDIT:MATTHEW JORDAN SMITH/Showtime @ART CAPTION:'The Awful Truth' back on Bravo @ART CREDIT:Bravo @ART:Photos (2) >>>

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Two parts celebration, one part inspiration, the star-packed "Essence Awards 2000" honor African-American achievement in a two-hour telecast tonight on Fox (7, Channel 4). Michael Jordan and Danny Glover received special commendations at the ceremony that was taped at New York's Lincoln Center last month. Besides the two superstars, several little-known but extraordinary black Americans also are honored. Among them: the Rev. W.C. and Donna Walker of Shelbyville, Texas, who not only adopted several orphaned and foster children on their own but inspired dozens of families in their church to do the same. The telecast opens with a stirring number by Hezekiah Walker and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir. Other performers include Erykah Badu, Christina Aguilera and Patti LaBelle. @ART CAPTION:Oprah Winfrey and Bill Cosby are the hosts of 'Essence Awards 2000' @ART:Photo (color) >>>

Andy Richter of 'Late Night' turns in

NEW YORK - A lot of people who stay up late to watch "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" will tell you a big reason is to see the show's second banana, Andy Richter. As of Friday, those fans will have one fewer reason to watch. After spending seven years and 1,275 broadcast hours on "Late Night" (11:35 p.m., Channel 41), Richter is leaving the nightly grind to pursue other ventures. "I want to develop a show of my own," Richter said in an interview last week. "But I'm in no hurry to do that. The most pressing thing for me is that I have a lazy summer, take it easy a little while. There's no big project. Part of the reason I'm doing this is to take a break." The parting, which actually was announced on the show last August, is by all accounts an amicable one. No one is slated to take Richter's place, now or ever, according to the executive producer, Jeff Ross. As the designated sidekick, Richter has long been considered the show's X-factor. A genius at spontaneous response, he's been known to save a dying interview, or rescue a tongue-tied O'Brien, with a single scintillating bon mot or unexpected observation. Not bad for someone who had the role thrust upon him only days before the show launched. When Richter was hired in 1993, it was to write and produce the bits that O'Brien starred in. But in time Andy also became a star, chatting with celebrities at the Grammys or playing host to his own daytime talk-show parody, "Andi." Many people think of him as a sidekick in the mold of Ed McMahon, David Letterman band leader Paul Shaffer and even Regis Philbin, who once was Joey Bishop's right hand at ABC. True, Richter sits at O'Brien's right hand, and the two banter near the beginning of every broadcast. But any similarities to Ed McMahon end there. Richter was in nearly every respect O'Brien's peer. He was allowed to one-up the host on the air and to disagree with him on decisions behind the scenes. By contrast, McMahon was told early in the run of "The Tonight Show" to tone down his personality because it clashed with that of "Mr. Carson." Richter at first was inserted as an experiment to see if having someone to talk with would calm the high-strung O'Brien. Neither man had appeared much on camera before, but in no time they found their comfort level. The first couple of seasons were stressful on the show's staff, who were hammered by an unfriendly press and shadowed constantly by nervous NBC executives. The network didn't commit long-term to the show until well into its second season. And Richter was singled out for ridicule by some TV critics. One said he was "one of only a few people on TV who make Ed McMahon look like a bundle of talent." But like the rest of the staff, Richter responded by pushing the comedy output to exhausting levels. Today the show continues to have some of TV's sharpest comedy writing, but back then everybody made a point of churning out as much of it as possible. "I used to work one to two weekends a month, when my wife wouldn't see me at all," Richter said. "I would be flying out to the Arkansas State Fair, or the Mets training camp, or the Grammys. I would be shooting the segment, getting home, editing the segment and all the while doing the show every night. I can't imagine working that hard again." Richter said he will miss the immediacy of "Late Night," where "I can have an idea today and it will be on the air Tuesday." The downside was the idea couldn't cost any money or take much time to create. If it doesn't involve retouched photographs or costumes borrowed from "Saturday Night Live," chances are "Late Night" won't do it. "It would be nice to have some big production values," Richter said. "It would be nice to write a sketch about knights in shining armor and actually be able to have knights in shining armor." But after 1,275 tapings of "Late Night," what would really be nice for Andy Richter is getting some sleep. To reach Aaron Barnhart, phone (816) 234-4790 or visit the TVBarn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:Andy Richter @ART:Photo (color) >>>

Remote patrol

In "The Wednesday Woman" (8 tonight, Channel 5), Meredith Baxter plays a first-time novelist whose personal life begins to resemble that of the protagonist in her book. John Heard co-stars as her husband and Peter Coyote as the mystery man who comes into Baxter's life when she's assigned to write a story about him for a magazine. Coyote and Baxter play recovering alcoholics, and as they converse about addiction and abuse, Coyote uses the language of coping to seduce her. (A pivotal scene, in fact, happens at a 12-step meeting.) As the noose tightens around them, however, the therapy-speak turns vicious and manipulative. The dialogue is the best thing about "The Wednesday Woman." It's smart and rings emotionally true. But the movie gets untracked as it tries to make the novelist's life conform to the last minute detail of her novel. The result is an unacceptable finale that's degrading to Baxter. @ART CAPTION:Baxter @ART:Photo (color) >>>

Remote patrol

When has personal embarrassment or regard for his viewers' taste ever stopped Canadian funnyman Tom Green? Bear that rhetorical question in mind before you tune in "The Tom Green Cancer Special," at 9 tonight on MTV. The Pepsi pitchman and star of the new stupid-human-tricks movie "Road Trip" recently was treated for testicular cancer. Naturally he brought the cameras along. MTV promises that some scenes in tonight's special will be "outrageously weird." In other words, look for Green to be his normal self. Also tonight: Gore defender Al Franken and former Nixon aide Ben Stein purport to square off in a wiseacre version of "Crossfire" on "Turn Ben Stein On" (9, Comedy Central). @ART CAPTION:Green @ART:Photo (color) >>>

Remote patrol

Tonight are the season finales for the two UPN sitcoms that will be back in the fall, "Moesha" and "The Parkers," starting at 7 on Channel 29. ("Malcolm & Eddie," "Dilbert" and "Grown Ups" are no more.) Unlike a lot of comedies, "Moesha" is good at tackling serious topics without melodrama or awkwardness. In tonight's episode, Moesha's cousin Dorian (Brandy's real-life brother Ray J) is unrepentant even though he seems to be sinking deeper into trouble on the street. So Moesha's dad (William Allen Young) takes a drastic measure, and if you were him, you might, too. "Moesha's" sillier spinoff, "The Parkers," will finish its first season as the No. 1-rated show among African-American viewers. As is customary for finales, tonight's episode will see the ongoing romantic intrigues of both daughter (Countess Vaughn) and mother (Mo'Nique) take sudden twists. @ART CAPTION:Ray J @ART:Photo (color) >>>

Networks break the bank for fall; But can big budgets and bigger stars bring better ratings?

NEW YORK - If one axiom held true during the TV networks' annual unveiling of their fall schedules last week, it was that sometimes you have to spend money to make money. And we're not just talking about the decision by ABC to expand "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" to a fourth night. Nearly every network is forking over big bucks for new TV series with spectacular production values and big-name Hollywood talent. Meanwhile, the low-rent staples of recent years - reality specials, game shows not named "Millionaire" and newsmagazines - will be much less of a presence in the fall. The pilot episode of "The Fugitive," based on the 1960s TV series, cost a cool $6 million. And neither James Cameron, the "Titanic" director who's behind the new Fox series "Dark Angel," nor Joel Silver, whose 1999 hit "The Matrix" was the inspiration for his new UPN series "Freedom," appear to have spared any expense with their pilots. In another attempt to keep viewers, ABC and WB are experimenting with "no-repeat" time periods where new episodes will air nearly every week all season - even though that means spending millions more than on a standard time slot. Although TV critics got to see only a few minutes of each new network series last week, it was clear the investments have a chance of paying off. "Dark Angel," which takes place in a post-apocalyptic Seattle, was dazzling with its frenetic action and elaborate sets. "The Fugitive" looks as exciting as the movie with Harrison Ford. (The same people behind the 1992 film are behind the CBS show.) It's less certain whether NBC was wise to cancel two hours of its inexpensive newsmagazine "Dateline" in favor of dramas. Dick Wolf, who already oversees two hours of "Law & Order" for NBC, was asked to create "Deadline," starring Oliver Platt as a cross between Jimmy Breslin and Lt. Columbo. "Deadline," however, will occupy a tough time period on Mondays, against "Ally McBeal," "Everybody Loves Raymond" and football. On Wednesdays NBC has scheduled yet another Aaron Spelling soap opera featuring glamorous people in impossibly upscale digs. But "Titans" is going against not only Regis Philbin and "Millionaire" but also Bette Midler's new comedy on CBS (which presumably also shelled out serious moolah to lure Midler to network TV). So who's footing the bill for all this new entertainment? The advertisers. This season all four major networks made money, something that hasn't happened in years. Viewership for network TV stabilized, ending the steady decline of recent years. And with the economy still cruising along, the networks are expected to hike their advertising rates by at least 10 percent and be profitable once more. Here's what else to watch for in the 2000-01 schedule: "Gideon's Crossing." It will not be easy for Andre Braugher to convince audiences he's no longer the moody, enigmatic Lt. Pembleton of "Homicide" but a warm, charismatic doctor who only speaks words of encouragement. If Pembleton ever met such a fellow, he'd immediately suspect the worst of him. The return of Kramer. The preview clip of "The Michael Richards Project" was long on physical humor and short on dialogue. Enjoyable as it was to see the old "Seinfeld" star clowning around on screen again, I realized that on "Seinfeld," Kramer was usually administered in small doses. The return of Dan Conner. On the other hand, "Don't Ask," with John Goodman as a recently outed gay dad sharing his house with Anthony LaPaglia and several kids, showed promise. Aaron Barnhart's expanded coverage of the 2000-01 season announcements is online at the TV Barn Web site (www.tvbarn.com) @ART CAPTION:Jessica Alba stars in Fox's new fall TV show "Dark Angel," set in a post-apocalyptic Seattle. @ART:Photo (color) @ART CREDIT:Fox >>>

Fox stretches out while UPN closes ranks

NEW YORK - The fall TV schedules announced Thursday by the Fox and UPN networks were a study in contrasts. While UPN continued steadily on its path of appealing to black viewers and young males looking for action, Fox shifted gears. The network known for "World's Wildest Police Videos" and "Greed" unloaded those shows in favor of high-profile dramas and comedies. Director James Cameron of "Titanic" fame will produce "Dark Angel," an apocalyptic sci-fi hour for Fox. The creators of "The Blair Witch Project" are behind "Fearsum," a weekly series that will tell suspenseful tales with the help of the Internet. On the comedy side, Fox has signed "Roseanne" star John Goodman for "Don't Ask." In this sitcom, Goodman plays one of two single dads - he's the gay one - who raise their teen-agers together. ("American Beauty" writer Alan Ball tried a similar premise last year with his ABC sitcom "Oh Grow Up.") The other new comedy is "Schimmel," starring stand-up comic Robert Schimmel, whose material is usually so outrageous that it can be performed only on HBO. Creative kingpin David E. Kelley will get another chance to design a lead-in show to one of his established hits. ABC gave him that opportunity last year to enhance the hour before "The Practice"; the result was the much-derided bomb "Snoops." This time he will be the executive producer of "Boston Public," a drama about the lives of high school teachers starring Fyvush Finkel and Chi McBride. It will air Mondays before Kelley's "Ally McBeal." The other new dramas are "The $treet," a soap opera about young New York investment bankers from "Sex and the City" creator Darren Star; and "Night Visions," a weekly anthology of thrillers. For a change, Fox will leave its Sunday-night lineup intact. On "The X-Files," however, series co-star David Duchovny is expected to appear in only half of next season's episodes - if that many. The network signed Duchovny only hours before announcing its fall schedule. For weeks rumors had flown that he wouldn't return for the show's eighth season. At midseason, Fox is expected to launch an "X-Files" spin-off based on the the show's conspiracy-theory nerds, the Lone Gunmen. UPN is adding only one brand-new comedy to its lineup, the "Living Single"-styled show "Girlfriends." The network also picked up "The Hughleys" from ABC. On Fridays UPN will add "Freedom," from another mega-movie creator, Joel Silver ("The Matrix"). The special effects-heavy drama, which follows resistance fighters in a futuristic American police state, sounds a lot like Cameron's "Dark Angel" on Fox. UPN is also picking up "Level Nine," about a secret government agency that fights Internet crime. A year ago Fox unveiled seven new shows; six were canceled and one ("Manchester Prep") never even made it to air. Only two midseason shows survived, "Malcolm in the Middle" and "Titus." UPN canceled first-year shows "Shasta," "Grown Ups" and "The Strip," as well as long-running "Malcolm & Eddie," the sitcom that was based (though never taped) in Kansas City. @ART:Photo (uncaptioned) >>>

Grab your remote; The best battles of the fall are...

Here it is - the way television will look in the fall of 2000. Well, at least until "Schimmel" is canceled. For the next few weeks, advertisers will be buying commercial time for the 2000-01 season, essentially placing bets on how well they think "Dharma" will do against "Frasier" on Tuesdays or "Fearsum" will fare vs. "Fugitive" and "Freedom" on Fridays. Here are some of the other key matchups. "Futurama" vs. "The PJ's" (6 p.m. Sunday). Two animated series that used to be sidekicks on Fox are now pitted in a Sunday-night grudge match. Celebrity sitcoms "Geena" vs. "DAG" (8:30 Tuesday). Geena Davis is trying to be the next Dharma as a woman in a whirlwind romance. David Alan Grier is trying to be the next Leslie Nielsen as a bumbling Secret Service agent. Neither wants to become the next Mike O'Malley. "Angel" vs. "Dark Angel" (8 p.m. Tuesday). David Boreanaz may have met his match in Jessica Alba, a stunning beauty who stars in the futuristic drama from "Titanic" director James Cameron. Wednesday "Millionaire" vs. everybody (7 p.m. Wednesday). No fewer than five new shows are competing against Regis Philbin in this hour, including sitcoms with Bette Midler, John Goodman and Robert Schimmel, the Aaron Spelling soap "Titans." This could get ugly fast. "City of Angels" vs. everybody (8 p.m. Thursday). CBS thinks the time period that killed off "Chicago Hope" is perfect for its other medical drama because of "City's" appeal to black viewers. "The District" vs. nobody (9 p.m. Saturday). Bad news: The promising Craig T. Nelson drama is stuck on TV's least-watched night. Good news: Thanks to movies on other networks, it's the only 9 p.m. network show. And remember: Saturdays were once good to "Touched by an Angel." To reach Aaron Barnhart, phone (816) 234-4790 or visit the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:The fall schedule @ART:Graphic @ART CAPTION:Top to bottom: Oliver Platt in NBC's "Deadline"; Jessica Alba in Fox's "Dark Angel"; Andre Braugher in ABC's "Gideon's Crossing"; Steven Weber (front) in NBC's "Steven Weber Show"; and Gabriel Byrne and friends in "Madigan Men." @ART:Photos (6, 1 uncaptioned) >>>

Suddenly humble Fox takes steps to reverse run of bad luck

NEW YORK - The Beacon Theater on Manhattan's Upper West Side was certainly teeming with "Fox attitude" Thursday afternoon. Reeking with it, actually: My shoes stuck to the floor, the water in the restrooms was the color of rust, and a coil in my seat bottom was making unwelcome advances toward me. This was the place Fox chose to unveil its 2000-01 television schedule. Compared with the ritzy venues other networks chose for their galas, the Beacon was humble. But that matched the mood of the Fox executives following one of the worst seasons in the network's history. "This was a trying season for us," said its head of advertising sales, Jon Nesvig. "We hit some rough patches," said Fox entertainment chief Sandy Grushow. The chief reason, he said, was the network's "over-reliance" on "shockumentaries" like "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" and "World's Wildest Police Videos." But there were also a couple of bright moments last season, and just to make sure nobody forgot it, the first person to appear on stage was Frankie Muniz, the gee whillikers kid star of Fox's midseason comedy hit "Malcolm in the Middle." He was followed by Christopher Titus, the comic whose darkly autobiographical "Titus" has done well during its two months on the air. Titus said ever since his show began, people have been asking him why he didn't take "Titus" to HBO instead. Because, he said, HBO doesn't have commercials. If you watch only HBO, "you'll never know when something's new and improved. When someone answers the phone 'whazzzaaap?', you won't know why it's funny." Thanks to commercial TV, Titus said, "I realize now that I have a soft-drink choice that fits my lifestyle." And perhaps someday commercial TV "will lead us to the Holy Grail: a 48-hour anti-perspirant." Was he mocking the roomful of advertisers? With "Fox attitude," you couldn't say for sure. Later, another comic took to the Beacon stage: Robert Schimmel, the veteran provocateur who also has a show on Fox this fall. Schimmel can be searingly funny - but only, it seems, when he's allowed to talk dirty. The 3-minute preview reel for "Schimmel," promoted as a "family show, Fox style," was embarrassingly bad. One unfunny joke followed another. The physical humor consisted of Schimmel getting hit in the groin. We also learned why Schimmel is so nonexpressive on stage: He can't act. Schimmel then told a few jokes - but once again, he "worked clean," and his punchlines fizzled. Talk about a guy who needs to be on HBO. Aaron Barnhart's expanded coverage of the 2000-01 season announcements is online at www.tvbarn.com >>>

CBS is glitzy - yet safe

NEW YORK - ABC may have the game show with the big price tag, but it was CBS that was looking like a million bucks Wednesday afternoon. The No. 2 network presented its 2000-01 fall schedule to advertisers at Carnegie Hall, a lavish spectacle that featured a live musical number by Faith Hill, comedy by Ray Romano, magic by David Copperfield and an appearance by Bette Midler, all of whom have shows or specials on CBS next season. But the biggest cheer of the day was reserved for David Letterman. He strode onstage unannounced, interrupting CBS president Leslie Moonves in mid-sentence, with his take on recent well-publicized salary wars. "Bad news - Jesus wants a million bucks an episode," said Dave, who got an extra laugh by howling idiotically at his own joke. Letterman was strangely keyed up. It was like he had been stealing sips of caffeinated coffee against his doctor's orders. Moonves said afterward, "I think maybe Dave now has too much energy." Well, maybe Dave would like to share some of his excess with the CBS comedy development team. Judging from the short previews shown Wednesday, all three of the network's new sitcoms (with the possible exception of Midler's) looked safe and ordinary, like nearly all the comedies that have appeared on CBS in recent years. You could sense the crowd's energy dissipating, too, as Moonves slowly worked his way through the new fall schedule. Much of it seemed a lot like the old schedule. But then, as the presentation dragged into its third hour, Moonves unexpectedly revealed his boldest strokes. Not only is CBS bringing back the medical drama "City of Angels" on Thursdays, it has scheduled a terrific-looking remake of "The Fugitive" on Fridays and a very promising drama about a big-city police commissioner, "The Precinct," on Saturdays. Moreover, in each of these dramas, African-Americans play leading and not just supporting roles. (In "The Fugitive," Lt. Gerard will be played by Mykel T. Williamson) Now these were shows to get excited about. Unfortunately, by the time they were introduced, the mood inside Carnegie had shifted. It seemed as though many in the nearly all-white and conspicuously male crowd were ready to head over to Tavern on the Green and the big CBS after-party where they stood to catch a glimpse of Bette Midler. Aaron Barnhart's expanded coverage of the 2000-01 season announcements is online at the TV Barn Web site (www.tvbarn.com) >>>

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Call it lack of creativity, or a ravenous media beast in need of new material, or simply the ritual of telling the old stories to new generations. But "Mystery!" has gone and dug up the bones of Sherlock Holmes and dressed them up again in an ingenious two-part "prequel" airing this week and next on PBS. Part 1 (8 tonight on Channel 19) follows a young Conan Doyle to medical school, where he meets Joseph Bell, the eccentric teacher thought to be the inspiration for Holmes. Bell's methods of deduction are considered a tad flaky by his peers. But as Bell warns Doyle, "From the astrologer came the astronomer; from the alchemist, the chemist The quack of yesterday is the professor of tomorrow!" And the literary creation of a century. @ART CAPTION:Charles Dance (Sir Henry Carlyle, from left), Dr. Bell (Ian Richardson) and Conan Doyle (Robin Laing) in tonight's "Mystery!" titled "Murder Rooms: The Dark Origins." @ART:Photo (color) >>>

CBS hopes to get back in the race with seven new shows

NEW YORK - CBS will bring back "City of Angels" this fall and introduce seven new series. The network is keeping its successful Sunday and Tuesday lineups intact and will replace only one comedy on Mondays. But the rest of the schedule was completely realigned, a move CBS president Leslie Moonves concedes was an attempt to steer as clear as possible of ABC's "Millionaire" steamroller. "We hope they'll put enough (nights of 'Millionaire') on that they'll blow themselves out," Moonves said at a press conference Wednesday in New York, where he unveiled the network's 2000-01 lineup. "We're praying for that to happen sooner rather than later." Among the new series are a sitcom starring Bette Midler as an entertainer who bears a strong resemblance to Bette Midler and a remake of "The Fugitive" from the producers of the hit "Fugitive" movie. "City of Angels," a medical drama with a mostly African-American cast, had been the subject of an intense campaign among black viewers wanting to save the show. It got a reprieve, though it will be moved to Thursday nights opposite "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." It replaces another doctor show, the now canceled "Chicago Hope." CBS research found that "City of Angels," this season's No. 2 program among African-Americans, "was the only show" available that could effectively counter "Millionaire," Moonves said. Rather than put "48 Hours" up against ABC's retooled "Prime Time" newsmagazine, however, CBS moved it to 7 p.m. Thursdays, swapping places with the seemingly indestructible "Diagnosis Murder." Fridays and Saturdays each will add two new one-hour dramas. Gone from these nights are "Kids Say the Darndest Things" (which will return as a series of occasional specials) and "Now & Again," "Early Edition" and "Martial Law," which have all been canceled. CBS also moved "Walker, Texas Ranger" back an hour. Other new CBS comedies include "Yes, Dear," which is about parenting, and "Welcome to New York," from David Letterman's production company, starring Jim Gaffigan as an Indiana weatherman who comes to New York (much as Letterman did 20 years ago). The other new dramas are "C.S.I.," an update of "Quincy, M.E." that focuses on crime-scene investigators in Las Vegas; "That's Life," a drama about a young woman who returns to college in her 30s despite the doubts of family and friends; and "The District" with Craig T. Nelson as a reform police commissioner who comes to Washington, D.C., and shakes things up. Of the six new series CBS announced a year ago, only two, "Judging Amy" and "Family Law," return. The comedy "Ladies' Man" may return at midseason, and the mob drama "Falcone" will be relaunched this summer. To reach Aaron Barnhart, phone (816) 234-4790 or visit the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:CBS' Fall 2000-01 Prime-time schedule @ART:Graphic @ART CAPTION:Bette Midler gets a sitcom this fall on CBS. @ART:Photo >>>

NBC's day at the opera house

NEW YORK - Any journalist wishing to use the word "operatic" these days is advised that New York City Mayor (and opera buff) Rudy Giuliani pretty much has exclusive hold on that term, at least while his life continues to imitate art. But hey, NBC paid good money to rent out the Metropolitan Opera House on Monday, where it unveiled its fall TV schedule to advertisers and NBC affiliates. And there was quite a bit of high drama around the network last week, including a down-to-the-wire negotiation with the cast of "Friends" and a frantic shuffling of the lineup that left few shows untouched. At any rate, NBC seemed determined to get its money's worth out of the Met. It brought out the stars of "Will & Grace," Eric McCormack and Debra Messing, he in a tux, she in a full-length lime green dress. Joined by co-stars Sean Hayes and Megan Mullaly, they sang Gilbert and Sullivan tunes with new lyrics that praised NBC shows. One lyric got the biggest laugh: "And all our 'Friends' are still our 'Friends'/Because of what they're getting paid." Messing and Mullaly hit their high notes more than adequately, while the men showed unusual flair in their dance moves. In other words, look for a very special "Will & Grace" with musical numbers during the November sweeps. From their seats, the advertisers and affiliate executives endured the two-hour presentation politely - perhaps too politely. There were only three times when the audience responded as viscerally as a typical Metropolitan Opera crowd. Once was for the physical comedy of Michael Richards, who bumbled his way up the left aisle to the stage to promote his new NBC comedy series that for now carries his name. That show is based loosely on an old episode of "Seinfeld," although Richards will play a private detective named Vic, not Kramer. Another time the affiliate reps rose to their feet to cheer the cast of "The West Wing." The NBC presentation was a love-in for the presidential drama; it was mentioned more often on Monday than "Friends." Finally, the audience was stirred by Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, the rubber, cigar-chomping puppet who pops up occasionally on "Late Night With Conan O'Brien." Triumph's "master," Robert Smigel, has been embroiled in a operetta of his own: Pets.com sued him last month for claiming that the Internet pet-supply store's sock puppet was a "rip off" of his idea. Triumph, who appeared on videotape with O'Brien, ridiculed NBC's schedule nonstop as the crowd roared. Sadly, most of what he said was unprintable. But in referring to NBC's 8:30 p.m. slot on Thursdays - home to such stinkers as "Battery Park" and "Stark Raving Mad" - Triumph barked: "They put 'Stark Raving Mad' on before 'ER.' That's like saying, 'We've got some nice Alpo Supreme for you, but first you've got to drink out of this toilet!' " Afterward, one of the NBC suits said jokingly, "I'm changing my deposition in that Pets.com case." To reach Aaron Barnhart, phone (816) 234-4790 or visit the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com Aaron Barnhart, The Star's TV critic, is filing daily dispatches from New York, where the networks are announcing their fall lineups. >>>

Remote patrol

When "The Sopranos" failed to take home at least a dozen Emmy Awards last year (making do with just four), critics cried highway robbery. Bah. The crime is in the comedy categories where "3rd Rock From the Sun" is a perennial finalist while "The Drew Carey Show" almost never makes it onto the ballot. But rather than sit around and cry into their Buzz Beer, the "Drew" crew have decided to pander openly for an Emmy. Or so we are told at the beginning of tonight's episode (8, Channel 9). What transpires, though, is a very funny spoof on all those "very special" but cringeworthy episodes of TV shows past. It's kind of like that improv show Carey hosts on Thursday nights, with each cast member given an affliction and told to milk it for all it's worth. Thus Wick (Craig Ferguson) develops an eating disorder, Mimi (Kathy Kinney) becomes obsessive-compulsive - which may explain the eye makeup - and Kate (Christa Miller) contracts the disease-of-the-week. Naturally, it's fatal. In no time at all this caravan of causes is veering off the road to Emmy and into the ravine of bad taste. And you suspect that's just where they wanted it to go. @ART CAPTION:The 'Drew' crew @ART:Photo (color) >>>

ABC and the WB stick to what's worked before

NEW YORK - "Millionaire, Millionaire, Millionaire, Millionaire." That's not a mantra; it's the four reasons ABC expects to remain America's most-watched network this fall and beyond. Already declared the winner of the 1999-2000 season, ABC presented its 2000-01 television lineup to advertisers and affiliates Tuesday. As expected, the network added one more hour to its murderers' row of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" broadcasts. Now Regis Philbin also will give away money on Wednesday nights. The WB network also unveiled its 2000-01 schedule Tuesday. After suffering its first ratings setback in four years, the WB served up a promising mix of comedies that could widen its appeal. ABC is adding just four new shows (down from six a year ago), including three comedies. ("Millionaire" was introduced, almost as an afterthought, in the summer.) Of the six shows from last year, only "Once and Again" is still around. Geena Davis will star in "Geena," a companion piece to current ABC hit "Dharma & Greg." Davis plays a successful single gal who falls overnight for Peter Horton ("thirtysomething" and "Brimstone"), a widower with two children. Fridays will be home to "People Who Fear People," an ensemble comedy about paranoia, and "Madigan Men," starring Gabriel Byrne as a middle-aged, recently divorced man who turns to both his son and father for dating advice. ("The Hughleys" was not renewed.) ABC's lone new drama is "Gideon's Crossing," with "Homicide" star Andre Braugher returning to TV as a compassionate doctor. Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays will remain the same, although connoisseurs of newsmagazines, please note: The hip-and-edgy "20/20 Downtown" with stories on body piercing and bizarre crimes is moving from Thursdays to Mondays. In its place is Diane Sawyer's mellower "Prime Time," which moves from Wednesdays. Once again ABC will air "Once and Again" at 9 p.m. Tuesdays during football season, then move it to Mondays in January when "NYPD Blue" begins. Taking a page from ABC's book, the WB will air "Felicity" at 8 p.m. Wednesdays for 11 episodes, then bring back another young-adult romance, "Jack & Jill," in December. After its 13-week run concludes, "Felicity" will return for 11 more weeks - all without a single repeat. Stand-up comedians Steve Harvey and Jamie Foxx are used to traveling, which is good because for the third time in as many years their sitcoms have been moved to a new night. This fall the night will be Sunday, where they will join Eddie Murphy's animated "The PJ's" (acquired from Fox), "For Your Love" and two new comedies. "Nikki" features "Unhappily Ever After" star Nikki Cox, and "Grosse Pointe" is a "Larry Sanders"-esque treatment of teen soap operas like "90210." The other new comedies are "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch," which is coming over from ABC, and "Hype," a sketch-comedy show from three former writers of "MAD TV." WB's new dramas are "Gilmore Girls," about a 32-year-old single mom and her precocious 16-year-old daughter, and a summer series called "Young Americans." It stars Rodney Scott, whose Will Krudski character appeared in three episodes of "Dawson's Creek" this season. Of the six shows the WB introduced last year, only "Safe Harbor" and "Mission Hill" were canceled. To reach Aaron Barnhart, phone (816) 234-4790 or visit the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:The WB's Fall 2000-01 Prime-time schedule; ABC's Fall 2000-01 Prime-time schedule @ART:Graphics (2) @ART CAPTION:Sarah Michelle Gellar @ART:Photo >>>

NBC goes to bat this fall with fewer but more diverse shows

NEW YORK - NBC announced a shaken-up and scaled-down 2000-01 schedule on Monday that, among other surprises, swapped the air times for "Will & Grace" and "Frasier." Comedies "Just Shoot Me," "3rd Rock" and "Daddio" also will move to new nights, and the Saturday "Thrillogy" is no more. Seven new shows are joining the NBC schedule this fall, same as last year. But the rearranging of air times is clearly meant to stop ABC from using "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" as a battering ram against NBC's once-impregnable Thursday-night stronghold. That night has turned out to be "Millionaire's" biggest with the young-adult viewers coveted by advertisers. The Regis Philbin game show has punished "Frasier" continually since ABC put them head-to-head in January. So, this fall, the younger-skewing comedies "Will & Grace" and "Just Shoot Me" will oppose "Millionaire" on Thursdays. "Frasier" will move back to its former time period on Tuesday nights to buttress three new sitcoms: an untitled project from comedian Michael Richards ("Seinfeld's" Kramer); "D.A.G." starring David Alan Grier ("In Living Color"); and "Tucker," a coming-of-age comedy about a 15-year-old that also stars Katey Sagal ("Married With Children" and "Futurama"). Thursday night still will start with the newly really rich "Friends" at 7. They will be followed now by an eponymous comedy starring Steven Weber ("Wings") as a single guy living under a hex; Chris Elliott co-stars. "Will & Grace," "Just Shoot Me" and "ER" round out Thursdays. Monday's new arrival is "Deadline," from the studio of producer Dick Wolf, who already has two hours of "Law & Order" on NBC's lineup. "Deadline" stars Oliver Platt as an investigative journalist in New York. It follows "Daddio" (currently on Thursdays) and the well-traveled "3rd Rock." David Letterman's Worldwide Pants company is behind the new Sunday-night series "Ed." Billed as a quirky hour in the tradition of "Northern Exposure," it's about a frazzled New Yorker who returns to his hometown of Stuckeyville and decides to stay. NBC West Coast president Scott Sassa touted the diversity of the network's new lineup. "There are a lot of new genres here, a lot of shows not currently seen on TV," Sassa told reporters in a conference call Monday. Aaron Spelling's laundry is open for business on Wednesdays with "Titans." All you need to know about this hour is four words: Beverly Hills. Yasmine Bleeth. NBC will wipe out three hours of drama on Saturday nights and replace them with movies and football. The Saturday block has been called the "Thrillogy" since 1996, but over the years only "The Pretender" and "Profiler" were considered hits. They both were dropped, as was the rookie show "The Others." Taking their place is a slate of yet-to-be-announced theatrical films. NBC also will air 12 weeks of XFL football from the World Wrestling Federation on Saturday nights beginning in February. The Monday and Wednesday editions of "Dateline NBC" were deleted from NBC's schedule, as ratings cooled for newsmagazine shows this season. Also gone from the NBC schedule: comedies "Stark Raving Mad" and "Jesse" and game show "Twenty One." Just 24 programs are on NBC's schedule, compared with 26 last season and 28 programs five years ago. The five other major broadcast networks also will announce their 2000-01 schedules this week. Aaron Barnhart's expanded coverage of the 2000-01 season announcements is online at the TV Barn Web site (www.tvbarn.com) @ART CAPTION:NBC's 2000-01 FALL SCHEDULE @ART:Graphic >>>