Remote patrol weekend

Odyssey, the family-friendly channel that is thinking about a name change to Hallmark (after its majority owner), rolled out "America!," its first original series, last weekend. It is my patriotic duty to inform you that "America!" (airing 5 p.m. Sundays on Odyssey) is so breathtakingly hokey, so earnestly contrived, you won't believe you're watching a nonfiction TV show. Each episode takes several inspirational stories, told to us by the people themselves, and weaves them together into a super-slick video greeting card. There are a lush soundtrack and an unending supply of eye candy: pristine mountaintops, green valleys and clear streams, filmed from overhead. The whole show is shot on film, like a commercial. The production values would be forgiveable if the stories weren't so schmaltzy. This week's episode bundles several Appalachian stereotypes into one oleaginous romanticized mess. We meet stoic coal miners, a maker of handmade dulcimers, a loom spinner and, for good measure, a furniture carver. With all this industry, it's a wonder that chronic poverty continues to cripple the region. Amazingly, "America!" uses one of its subjects to simply explain that problem away. "Poverty is not a word to a true Appalachian," declares the loom spinner. "I've been broke many a time but I've never been poor." She explains that what really matters is "the transmission of the culture" through people like her. Excuse me. "Transmission of the culture"? Which poor, uneducated people is she speaking for? @ART CAPTION:Appalachian rug maker Minnie Yancy, an "America!" subject. @ART:Photo >>>