Savvy castaways know the game

Even before the big lumbering military plane touched down on a remote landing strip, you knew that "Survivor: The Australian Outback" was going to be different from the original "Survivor" that mesmerized millions of us last summer. For one thing, the contestants inside the plane were a savvier bunch than the 16 castaways who swam to shore in Palau Tiga. You could see it in the grim looks on their faces. (Of course, that could've just been air sickness.) You knew that these castaways had watch-ed "Survivor" and that nobody had to explain to them the concepts of tribes or immunity challenges. But we, the viewers, are savvier this time around, too. We know how the game is played. So start playing, already! And they did, in a breakneck first hour of "Outback" that hardly stopped to catch its breath. Not only was there a turbulent flight but a five-mile hike through rough terrain with heavy supplies in tow. Then there was the grueling effort to set up camp and try, in vain, to light fires. Using an expanded arsenal of cameras and technical tricks, "Survivor" co-creator and producer Mark Burnett did all he could to keep the action moving, moving, hurry up, let's go, moving. By the end of "Outback's" first challenge - an elaborate four-legged relay that looked like two "Survivor" races combined - you felt a little winded just watching. But it wasn't only the intense physical effort that distinguished the sequel. This time around you could cut the gamesmanship with a knife. Not that last year's competition was a love-in, but there were times when some of the players took the game less than seriously. (In particular, cutie-pie Colleen Haskell thought the tribal councils were a hoot and, in moments that never made the broadcast, she often made fun of "Survivor" host Jeff Probst.) By contrast, "Outback" was about as relaxed as a girls' gymnastics competition. Within minutes of arriving at camp, Debb Eaton, a hard-headed corrections officer from New Hampshire, got into it with teammate Michael Skupin, a balding alpha male, over how to build a shelter. Eaton did herself no favors, either, by trying to light a fire using a method she'd read in a book. She couldn't, which meant her team wouldn't be able to cook any food that night. Eaton must have figured out right about then that her goose was going to be cooked. When her team lost the immunity challenge, meaning that someone on the team would be voted out of the game the next day, Eaton launched a disinformation campaign to save her skin. She began spreading a rumor that one of her teammates, a tousle-haired New Yorker named Jeff Varner, was too ill to continue - "and frankly, he doesn't even seem that upset at the thought of (leaving)," she added. Thanks to some diversionary editing by Burnett, it appeared Eaton might actually succeed in getting Varner ousted. We even saw a closeup of him retching - which, incidentally, was only the second biggest gross-out of the night, topped by a truly revolting shot of hungry castaways trying to eat ant-infested figs off a nearby tree. But in the end, Eaton was doomed. All seven of her mates voted her out of the outback. Some things don't change, though. The camera work was again superb. Burnett and his crew could teach the Travel Channel a few things. And The Probst was as gratingly ingratiating as ever, always knowing when to say just the wrong thing. "So, uh, anybody have luck with fire?" he asked the weary castaways on Day 2. (He knew what the answer was, the jerk.) Burnett also managed to find a few moments of humanity in each day, from the bawdy bedtime antics of bartender Kimmi Kappenberg to a surprise letter that farmer Rodger Bingham found in his Good News Bible. "Things will be fine in Kentucky," his son-in-law assured him in the letter. "Focus on your task at hand. You can do this. It's not going to be easy but a challenge like this shouldn't be easy." "Survivor: The Australian Outback" will air 7 p.m. Thursdays through April 26 on CBS (Channel 5). You can reach Aaron Barnhart through the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com >>>

Sizing up best commercials

Remember when the only "story line" on Super Bowl Sunday was which set of longnecks would win the Bud Bowl? Now everything's a story line. CBS' three-hour pre-game show Sunday was an unending conga line of story lines. To say it sated my curiosity about Super Bowl XXXV is an understatement. I could only think of one story line CBS didn't cover: Why weren't Dick Enberg and Dan Dierdorf calling the game? So with all that silly football out of the way, I concentrated on the story lines supplied by our friends in the advertising community. Would Pepsi remain the choice of a new generation? Would Ruffles help us cope with the Florida election fiasco? And was there ever a more self-absorbed television network than MTV? Some of the million-dollar stories we saw for the first time last night: MasterCard. Story line: Sotheby's meets "Sesame Street" as an auctioneer sells off the letter B, the color red and gravity. Message: For everything else, charge it. Hidden message: Like that Alan Greenspan dude says, debt is cool. Ruffles. Story line: Actors who sort of look like the Broward County chad-counters scrutinize the Flavor Rush snack. Message: Our new chips are "completely covered with flavor." Hidden message: It was them or a Katherine Harris look-alike. E*Trade. Story lines: A year ago, the online broker's Super Bowl ad featured a man who had money "coming out the wazoo." This year, E*Trade toned down the rhetoric, playing to people's fears instead. In one ad, an older man fakes a heart attack to get out of paying a restaurant bill; in another, a monkey sheds tears for all those e-companies gone bye-bye. Message: Invest wisely. Hidden message: Yes, we're a dot-com, but we're going to give you a finance lesson anyway. Hunkeler Eye Centers. Story line: "Survivor" castoff B.B. Andersen touts the virtues of laser eye surgery. Message: "The way I look at it," he says, "these glasses cost me a million bucks." Hidden message: Well, that and using the team soup pot as a laundromat. Cingular. Story line: The wireless phone venture of SBC and BellSouth aired a slew of ads to show off its new name and logo. One uses the words of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech; another tells the inspiring story of painter Dan "King Gimp" Keplinger. Message: Everyone has something to say. Hidden message: What this has to do with cell phones is a mystery to me, too. Snickers Cruncher. Story line: Two extra-clever ads showing people taking out their hostilities on life's little annoyances, like noisy car alarms and people who say "Whassaaaap?!" The message: Crunch a Snickers instead. The hidden message: Chocolate brings inner peace. Pepsi, Part 1. Story line: Stuck on a subway ride from hell, boy drinks a cool Pepsi and dreams of being whisked away by bikini babes. Then his fellow subway riders crash his dream. Message: After further review, I haven't a clue what this ad is trying to say. Hidden message: Other people are creepy. Pepsi, Part 2. Story line: Boy watches as Pepsi machine mysteriously disappears, realizes it's swiped by inmates at a nearby prison. Message: Without our favorite cola, 20-to-life just isn't worth living. Hidden message: Coke is for guys in solitary. Pepsi, Part 3. Story line: In the night's most brilliant spoof, Bob Dole, the politico-turned-pitchman, speaks frankly about his "faithful little blue friend" that helps him feel "vital" and "vigorous." Message: Pepsi will make you feel young again. Hidden message: Next year, we're using Clinton. Pepsi, Part 4. Story line: Garry Kasparov insults the chess computer he's just beaten; a Pepsi machine takes revenge. Message: See Part 1. Hidden message: Now we're stealing old Woody Allen routines. Schwab. Story line: Sarah Ferguson, the Divorcee of York, tells a young girl the fractured fairy tale of her storybook marriage - and its tabloid conclusion. Message: You're never too young to learn the value of investing. Hidden message: Don't do a TV ad with a cute kid unless you like being upstaged. Doritos. Story line: Ali Landry reprises her role as the chip-catching babe but is knocked flat by an improved Dorito. Message: Kraft isn't the only one that's cheesier. Hidden message: We couldn't afford to bring that "Will & Grace" guy back. Bud Light. Story lines: Two ads portray men as beer-swigging imbeciles and women as their better half. One hilariously revives a vaudeville gag as Cedric the Entertainer accidentally douses his date with a shaken-up Bud Light. In the other, a guy stuffs his dog with leftovers so he can fit his beer in the fridge. Message: Men, we must have our refreshments. Hidden message: Ladies, this Bud's for you. Monster.com. Story line: A new employee snorts his freshly minted business cards. Message: I found my job through this cool Web site. Hidden message: Compared to a double-murder charge, what's a little drug humor? FedEx. Story line: An ill-chosen replacement part on a recliner has people being launched from their homes. Message: We'll get the right parts to you pronto. Hidden message: When it comes to funny ads, FedEx bows to no one. Levi. Story line: Paramedics rush a pair of worn 569 blue jeans from a "donor" to a "recipient." Message: These are not new jeans. Hidden message: When it comes to tasteless ads, Levi's bows to no one. EDS. Story line: After last year's Wild West Kitty Roundup, Ross Perot's old company topped itself with a Pamplona-esque Running of the Squirrels. Message: In a sense, this is what we do. Hidden message: Now we're stealing "Monty Python" routines. Budweiser. Story line: The Whassaaaap Chronicles continue in two new ads. In one, three ridiculously unhip men drink imported beers and try to coin the catch phrase, "What are you doing?" In the other, a space alien returns to his home planet and teaches them to say "Whassaaaaaap?!" Message: Having a Bud, watching the game. Hidden message: We are going to beat this thing like a flea-infested rug. Dodge and Volkswagen. Story line: Both car companies debuted spots in which the punch line involves a red car falling out of a tree. Message: Here's something you've never seen before! Hidden message: One of us will be looking for a new ad agency tomorrow. Hotjobs.com. Story line: A ball bearing breaks away from an office doohickey and finds its way to a marble game, where it belongs. The pitch: Go where you belong. Hidden message: Kind of ironic that two of the three dot-com advertisers this year are aimed at the unemployed. You can reach Aaron Barnhart through the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com >>>

Aussie 'Survivor' and audience should be perfect mates>Knowledgeable fans await what could be a bigger, better show

Survivor: The Australian Outback" promises to be even more enjoyable than the original "Survivor" for several reasons - not the least of which is that this time America's cultural prigs won't be spoiling our fun. The 14-week "Outback" has its premiere Sunday on CBS (Channel 5) after the Super Bowl, then moves to Thursdays at 7. It will bring people back to their TV sets on Thursday nights - and not because of NBC's counterattack (adding 10 minutes to "Friends" and 20 minutes of new "Saturday Night Live" sketches to the hour). Not only will "Outback" be bigger than the original, it will be better. Last summer op-ed pages across the country were ablaze over the news that a potbellied corporate trainer named Richard Hatch had won "Survivor's" $1 million first prize. Most people thought Hatch - regardless of one's personal opinion of him - had played "Survivor" brilliantly. He was cunning, ruthless and two-faced. He told people he liked and supported them, only to ridicule them behind their backs and help usher them off the island during the show's dreaded, if hokey, "tribal councils." But Hatch's victory didn't sit well with some columnists who pondered darkly what the success of "Survivor" meant for the nation. What it means is this: "Survivor" was a terrific show. From a deceptively simple premise it spun itself a web of intrigue that many viewers willingly threw themselves upon. As Hatch and the other 15 players roamed the beaches of Palau Tiga, foraging for dinner and forging alliances, viewers felt privy to their conversations and secret thoughts. Yet all the eavesdropping never spoiled the night's surprise ending. "Survivor" producer Mark Burnett used tantalizing tape edits and Internet trickery to keep us guessing which castaway was next to be ousted. Now every network has its own hybrid reality-game show, hoping to steal off with "Survivor's" mojo. ABC has "The Mole," a traveling parlor game that pares 10 contestants down to two; the WB has "Popstars," where 10 budding divas compete for five slots in an all-girl band. And soon UPN will bring us "Chains of Love," in which a young woman wears three boy toys on her wrists. They'll literally be shackled to her night and day; one by one she will decide which suitor is most expendable and unshackle him. The tsk-tskers will have a field day with that one. Provided, that is, they can pull themselves away from "Temptation Island," a sexcapade that bears some superficial resemblance to "Survivor." The uproar over Fox's new winter hit is silly. After all, troubled couples and the people trying to break them up form the basis for every daytime TV show except "The Price Is Right" and Regis (well, at least since Kathie Lee left). Meanwhile "Survivor: The Australian Outback" should have no trouble regaining its spot atop the Nielsen ratings and in popular chatter. (This is speculation, since CBS again did not send out any tapes for advance review.) For starters, the contestants will be better than those in the original "Survivor." Most reality shows couldn't care less what their "stars" did before being plucked from obscurity. "Survivor," however, is obsessed with biography, because it figures prominently into the drama. For "Outback," the producers had the pick of the litter. Nearly 50,000 wannabes applied, more than eight times the number who applied for the original. And these were folks who, unlike the first bunch, knew what they were getting into. Remember B.B. Andersen, the one-man wrecking crew from Mission Hills who practically built his team's camp himself? The 64-year-old retired contractor was voted off the island in the second episode after telling his teammates he wanted out of the game. Later, Andersen admitted he had been led to believe that "Survivor" was about eking out a nuts-and-berries existence in the jungle. Only too late did Andersen realize that "Survivor" refers to political survival. Failure to grasp the fundamentals of "Survivor" not only got some castaways voted out, but it also made the show dull at times. Too much hammock-sitting in the middle episodes. That won't happen this time. Burnett has already reported that the 16 "Outback" contestants wasted no time getting down to the dirty business of alliances and duplicity. The audience will also be savvier. Several fellow TV critics changed their tune about "Survivor" midway through its run last summer. The more they watched, the more intrigues arose among the contestants, the more absorbing it became. Finally, remember who's producing "Survivor": Burnett, whose keen eye for scenery and ear for details elevated the production quality above most reality shows. His editing practically transformed the grumpy Boesch into a fan favorite and honorary mayor of Virginia Beach, Va. Burnett crafted each episode out of 150 hours of raw video. Even during the slow weeks, he always found something to keep us interested - a new game or hints of a brewing feud. As time went on, the show got more spit and polish, more action more full of itself, really. But viewers bought into the hype and that's what mattered. The only downside is that a show like this takes a long time in the editing suite. Once the Lord of the Outback is crowned in April, that will be it for "Survivor" until fall. In the interim, Hollywood expects to be star-struck - as in work stoppage - and viewers should brace themselves for an avalanche of still more reality shows that don't need any writers, producers, big budgets or (especially) talent. You can reach Aaron Barnhart through the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com Contestants on "Survivor: The Australian Outback," which airs Sunday after the Super Bowl on CBS, divided by "tribe": KUCHA TRIBE Rodger Bingham, 53, teacher and farmer, Crittenden, Ky. Nick Brown, 23, Harvard Law School student, from San Francisco, now living in Steilacoom, Wash. Alicia Calaway, 32, personal trainer, New York City. Debb Eaton, 45, corrections officer, Milan, N.H. Elisabeth Filarski, 23, footwear designer, from Providence, R.I., now living in Newton, Mass. Kimmi Kappenberg, 28, bartender and free-lance production assistant, Long Island, N.Y. Michael Skupin, 38, software publisher and distributor, from Farmington Hills, Mich., now living in White Lake, Mich. Jeff Varner, 34, Internet project manager, from Greensboro, N.C., now living in New York City. OGAKOR TRIBE Amber Brkich, 22, administrative assistant, Beaver, Pa. Colby Donaldson, 26, car customizer, from Christoval, Texas, now living in Dallas. Keith Famie, 40, chef, West Bloomfield, Mich. Kel Gleason, 32, Army intelligence officer, from Murphysboro, Ill., now living in Fort Hood, Texas. Maralyn Hershey, 51, retired police officer, Wakefield, Va. Jerri Manthey, 30, aspiring actress and bartender, Los Angeles. Mitchell Olson, 23, singer-songwriter, from Vermillion, S.D., now living in Union City, N.J. Tina Wesson, 40, mother and part-time nurse, Knoxville, Tenn. @ART CAPTION:Contestants on "Survivor: The Australian Outback," which airs Sunday after the Super Bowl on CBS, divided by "tribe": @ART:Graphic @ART CREDIT:The Associated Press @ART CAPTION:Kel Gleason, 32 Ogakor tribe; Alicia Calaway, 32 Kucha tribe; Nick Brown, 23 Kucha tribe; Maralyn Hershey 51, Ogakor tribe @ART:Photos (4, color) >>>

The 'Price' of beauty; For whatever reason, 'Barker's Beauties' are history

Months after his longtime female cohort left the show, the king of daytime TV is still shopping for her replacement. No, we're not talking about Regis Philbin. We're talking about Bob Barker, the ageless host of CBS' "The Price Is Right," the No. 2 rated daytime show on television. Last October executives at Pearson Television, which produces "Price," took what one insider called "sweeping measures" to slash the show's annual budget by $1 million. The moves came under pressure from CBS chief Mel Karmazin, a former radio salesman known for watching the bottom line. Barker and his multimillion-dollar salary were spared, and so was 15-year "Price" announcer Rod Roddy. But two of the show's silent female presenters - known to fans as "Barker's Beauties" - got the heave-ho. One of them, Janice Pennington, had been with the program since Barker took it over in 1972. Because "Price" tapes its episodes months in advance, viewers only recently started to notice the absence of Pennington and the other ex-presenter, Kathleen Bradley. Tune in and you'll see Barker welcoming a couple new "beauties" every few days. Last week it was "the lovely Charlotte" and "the lovely Rosie" along with "the lovely Nikki." That would be Nikki Ziering, who is in her third year as a presenter; presumably she is working for the right price. Last fall a rumor spread that Pennington's exit was tied to a lawsuit she filed in 1993 after suffering an injury during a taping of the show. Pennington seemed to confirm those whispers in December, when she told the Los Angeles Times that relations chilled among Barker, Bradley (who testified for Pennington) and her after the lawsuit. It wasn't the only time "Barker's Beauties" landed him in court. Dian Parkinson, perhaps the most famous "Beauty" of them all thanks to her nude pictorials in Playboy, sued Barker for sexual harassment in 1994. The lawsuit eventually was dropped but not before the case inspired many jokes on late-night TV. David Letterman read a list of "Top Ten Bob Barker Pickup Lines." (Sample: "Maybe it'll be easier for you to guess the price of the waterbed if we test it out first.") But an oft-quoted authority on the game-show business said Pennington was dumped over compensation, not litigation. "CBS wants sweeping changes to bring down the show's costs," said Steve Beverly, professor of communications at Union University in Murfreesboro, Tenn. "Karmazin has issued the edict that no show is immune from profit-loss examination." "Price's" problem is clear from the Nielsen ratings. It still gets a huge audience, but one comprised mostly of viewers in their 50s, 60s and older. Most advertisers aren't interested in those viewers, no matter how many of them they can reach. And those advertisers certainly don't care that this spring Barker will begin his 30th year as host of "Price." (He spent 16 years before that as host of "Truth or Consequences.") Affiliates have reportedly pleaded with CBS to keep "The Price Is Right" because it gives their noon newscasts a huge lift. Indeed, KCTV's noon report is often the station's only daily newscast to win its time period. (Only one other station has a noon newscast.) And while "Price," which begins two hours earlier, can't claim full credit for that, Channel 5 program director Peter Barrett said, "Any program that gets (that kind of) audience in daytime is valuable." Bigger changes may be afoot for "Price." After a history of long-term contracts, in 1999 Barker began renewing a year at a time. There's little secret he will be replaced eventually by someone younger, like Todd Newton of the cable game show "Hollywood Showdown." But when that transition will take place seems to be Barker's call. "I have often said that I will continue to host the show as long as I feel physically fit and am able to come through those doors with a bounce in my feet," Barker said last year in a CBS press release. "I think it is best for me to make that decision annually." Barker's publicist, Henri Bollinger, said Monday that both Pearson and CBS have told Barker he can continue to be the host for as long as he pleases. His contract is up in May. Although Pennington and Bradley have left "Price," Pearson executives have said the two are involved in a game-show project being developed by the company and will be invited back for a 30th anniversary special. A CBS spokesperson said Friday that the show's producers are in no hurry to settle on their replacements. Until then, don't be surprised if you see Pennington or Bradley standing next to "A NEW CAR!" Since making the switch, CBS has continued to air reruns of "Price" featuring its erstwhile presenters. You can reach Aaron Barnhart through the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:Model Janice Pennington and host Bob Barker @ART:Photo (color) >>>

New on the tube

Popstars Airs: 8 p.m. Fridays, WB (Channel 62) Stars: Dozens of ambitious young women and various industry types who will decide their fates. In brief: Media giant Time Warner is using this show "to create the next all-girl supergroup," marrying its TV network (WB) and record label (Warner Music) in a virtual remake of ABC's boy-band search show "Making the Band." But is it any good? Imagine a Discovery channel special in which 20 singers warble variations on Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." Now imagine watching it for an hour. Despite the obvious possibilities for compelling story lines (hundreds of women tried out for the band in six cities last year), the first hour of "Popstars" is remarkably tedious. Suspense is nonexistent, as when the ever-present narrator tells us that one hopeful, interrupting a move and coming to the audition with her loaded U-Haul, "will have to decide whether to put her move and her life on hold." Let's see, a six-figure record deal or $374 worth of used furniture and CDs - life is so cruel. Is it a survivor? The WB is counting on its large base of female teen viewers to rescue "Popstars" from the same fate as "Making the Band" (a ratings bummer moved to summer). Gary & Mike Airs: 7 p.m. Fridays, UPN (Channel 29) Stars: The voices of Christopher Moynihan and Harland Williams and the Claymation of Will Vinton Studios ("The PJs"). In brief: Two clay pals explore the seedy underbelly of America in an endless road trip. Gary is a prim geek, Mike a grubby horn dog. But both have one important thing in common: They're completely clueless. In the first two episodes, Gary unwittingly ruins the career of a high-powered woman, while Mike stumbles into sex with two women, including a Supreme Court justice. But is it any good? UPN has tastefully paired this show with "Celebrity Deathmatch" at 7:30 p.m. That's the execrable MTV export in which Claymated likenesses of famous people torture and mutilate each other (for example, "Gwyneth Paltrow" is sliced in half by an angry "Winona Ryder"). Pretty rough stuff to be feeding the preteens who watch UPN. Of course, TV executives insist that kids have no trouble telling such grim fantasies from life's realities. Really? Then let's see a "Gary & Mike" episode in which the boys accidentally turn CBS into a porno channel, sending UPN-CBS-MTV chief Sumner Redstone to rot in jail. All in fun, right? Is it a survivor? The network that brings you the WWF thinks this show is a perfect fit for its audience. Sadly, it may be right. @ART CAPTION:Scene from the auditions @ART:Photo (color) @ART CREDIT:GREG SCHWARTZ/The WB >>>

New on the tube

Grounded for Life Airs: 7:30 p.m., Fox (Channel 4) Stars: Donal Logue, Megyn Price, Lynsey Bartilson, Richard Riehle, Kevin Corrigan In brief: Two young Staten Island parents locked in mortal combat with their three kids. Dad (Logue) is overly paranoid about his teen-age daughter (Bartilson), but it's his sexy wife (Price) he should be worried about. But is it any good? Rough around the edges but has potential to be the next "Malcolm in the Middle," which is clearly what Fox wants. Logue, brilliant as Phil in the unaired "Ed" pilot, plays the nutso-dad role to the hilt. Price lit up Al Franken's "Lateline" and brightens every scene here, too. But the grumpy grandpa (Riehle) and ne'er-do-well brother (Corrigan) need work. Is it a survivor? Well-promoted and well-paired with "That '70s Show," "Grounded for Life" should show signs of life. Temptation Island Airs: 8 p.m., Fox (Channel 4) Stars: Mark L. Walberg and 30 future "Ricki Lake" guests In brief: Four couples "test their relationships" by letting bikini-clad singles hurl themselves at them during a nonstop par-tay. But is it any good? Preview tapes weren't mailed out, but frankly, what's the big deal? To qualify for the show, the couples had to swear they were unmarried, childless and in a "serious relationship for at least six months." Wow, six months. Jerry Springer holds his guests to higher standards. Look for any story line to fade as producers push the singles to share their hammocks with someone - anyone - else. Is it a survivor? Bad sign: Fox didn't save this six-week series for the February sweeps. >>>

New on the tube

The Mole Airs: 7 p.m. Tuesdays, ABC (Channel 9) Stars: Anderson Cooper and 10 contestants In brief: A reality show - that is, if your idea of "reality" is being shuttled around the world for a month with nine strangers in order to learn the answers to such questions as, "What does the mole eat for breakfast?" (Hint: "Vermin" is not the right answer.) But is it any good? Critics were not supplied with preview tapes. However, ABC tells us that if contestant "Wendi," age 29, wins the up-to-$1 million first prize, she plans to get her breasts enlarged. And that "Steven," 30, is playing this game as an excuse to get away from his wife for a month. Oh, the anticipation! Is it a survivor? Much like ABC sitcoms, the 10 contestants will be eliminated at a rate of one per week until only two are left. Not that anyone will care what happens to these nitwits. (Did I mention that friends of "Afi," 23, say she should be in toothpaste commercials?) "Survivor 2" may be airing on a different night, but America will find only enough patience for one of these reality shows. The choice shouldn't be hard. Three Sisters Airs: 8:30 p.m., NBC (Channel 41) Stars: Vicki Lewis, A.J. Langer, Katherine LaNasa, Kansas City's own Edward Kerr, Dyan Cannon, Peter Bonerz In brief: Comedy about a big bustling family teeming with faces you've seen on TV before. Dad (Bonerz) was the dentist on "Bob Newhart," Mom (Cannon) is played by Laker Fan No. 2, the snooty sister (Lewis) is that redhead from "NewsRadio," the blond sister (Langer) was on that "Seinfeld" knock-off "It's Like ... You Know." But is it any good? Poor Kerr. So promising in that nifty movie on TNT. Here he's reduced to sexist-pig lines like, "You've obviously never slept with me" and "A little Humpty Bumpty might make you less bitter." Is it a survivor? The last midseason sitcom on NBC that made it to April was, I think, "Hazel." @ART CAPTION:Above, NBC's new "Three Sisters" stars (clockwise from left) Vicki Lewis as Nora, A.J. Langer as Annie, and Katherine LaNasa as Bess. Right, Afi from 'The Mole.' @ART CREDIT:NBC (above) and ABC (right) @ART:Photos (2, color) >>>

Cop shows: not men only; 'NYPD Blue' returns in a more female world of crime and punishment

You may have noticed that Andy Sipowicz, the operatic lead detective played by Dennis Franz on "NYPD Blue," usually has a pretty full day, what with murder cases, personal tragedies and all. When Andy comes home at night, he doesn't waste a lot of time the way we do, watching TV. But if he did, he might get a little, as he says, stirred up over what's happening to the formerly male bastion of prime-time crime and punishment. Since "NYPD Blue" left the airwaves last May - it returns for an eighth season tonight - ABC's rivals struck gold with shows featuring a female crime-scene investigator ("CSI"), a bionic woman who beats up bad guys ("Dark Angel") and an all-female police station with one token male cop ("The Division"). Cable's TV Land even started showing reruns of "Charlie's Angels," fer cryin-out-loud. Can images of Angie Dickinson in a tight-fitting LAPD uniform be far behind? Oh, sure, a few holdovers remain from the guy '90s. Jerry Orbach is still busting punks on "Law & Order." The men in blue still use the buddy system on "Cops." But they and "NYPD Blue" are islands in a sea of estrogen. At ABC, executives must be amazed that a show this retrograde is watched mostly by women. In fact, "NYPD Blue," which has been riding for years on Franz's burly shoulders, remains one of TV's highest-rated dramas, and had a bit of a viewer resurgence last season. But getting females to watch is one thing, keeping them on the payroll is another. It all started when Sharon Lawrence, who played Sipowicz's wife and an assistant district attorney for several seasons, got fed up at her lack of screen time and asked to be written out of the series. The show's writers obliged by having her character walk into a hail of bullets. Then there was Andrea Thompson, who played a self-assured NYPD detective for three seasons until she decided last year - true story - that she'd rather be a news anchor in Albuquerque. Now comes word that Kim Delaney, a smoldering gem who serves as the show's other emotional center, is being written out at the end of this season. The good news is that she's getting her own series next fall, courtesy of "NYPD Blue" executive producer Steven Bochco, who admits he "underused" Delaney's talent on the show. (If her new series flops, he'll have squandered it.) In past seasons "Blue's" focus on Andy and his problems has been raised to tragicomic heights. But the show also is at its best when Sipowicz is on his game, as he is in the first two episodes of this season. He spends tonight's episode teetering on the brink of madness because doctors have found something wrong with his young son, Theo. It could be a virus or it could be something much worse. We see Sipowicz placing one agonized phone call after another to the children's hospital, trying to get Theo in for a blood test. You can see him building up a full head of steam at the stupid, obstinate managed-care system with each call - yet also growing more desperate by the minute. Your heart goes out to him either way. The capper comes next week when the doctor delivers her verdict on Theo. The result is a torrent of emotion unleashed in Sipowicz that propels him through the episode, arguably the finest performance among many that Franz has given here. If "NYPD Blue" defies the logic that women like to watch shows about other women, "The Division," which debuted Sunday on Lifetime, reinforces it. Too bad. This new drama series about a police precinct dominated by female cops is predictable and unbearably trite. It's about as much fun to watch as Dr. Laura confronting teen-age shoplifters. From the people who brought you the catchy slogan "Television for Women," "The Division" features an ensemble of a blond, a brunette, an older woman, an African-American and a Latina. It's so coldly calculated, the casting director could've picked President-elect Bush's cabinet. Hey, diversity is a terrific thing to watch. But it's also a terrible thing to waste. And boy, is it wasted in the two episodes I saw, which featured a laughable hostage crisis, a pregnant police officer lurching suddenly into labor - as only happens on television - and a suspect who sounds like she walked right off "Murder, She Wrote." There also is that staple man-hating moment you see in every Lifetime production. One of the women looks over at a group of rowdy guys in a bar and says, "What a bunch of jerks." I dunno. I think I'd rather watch them. Astute viewers may have noticed that this makes two January season premieres in a row for "NYPD Blue." The shift happened in late 1999 when Bochco reluctantly agreed to delay "Blue's" season start in exchange for being able to keep his cherished Tuesday-night time slot. Because of the late start, ABC had to air all 22 episodes in a row, no repeats, and viewers loved it. Ratings for "Blue" went up. Now fans could make an appointment for 9 p.m. Tuesday and never be disappointed. That made Bochco and ABC happy, too, so they're doing it again this season. ABC stumbled into a solution for "NYPD Blue" that every network executive would do well to imitate, rather than continuing to deny that they have a rerun problem. Viewers are fed up with being told there's an "all new episode" of their favorite show one week, only to tune in the next week and find a repeat. Lately the networks have adopted an even more shameless tactic. They've decided to stop telling TV listings services when upcoming episodes are repeats. Their rationale, such as it is, goes like this: Cable channels don't say when they're showing repeats - so why should we? Don't these knuckleheads know they can't win that war? The networks don't have a bottomless supply of reruns. Cable does. So, if people get tired of watching the same "Iron Chef" over and over, they'll just switch over and watch that nut who talks to the crocodiles. Or repeats of "Barney Miller," now airing nightly on TV Land. By some stupendous oversight, fans have been unable to see this great '70s sitcom until a couple of months ago. Given the choice between that and a warmed-over "Friends," I'd take old "Barney Miller" any day. Now there was a man's show. You can reach Aaron Barnhart through the TV Barn Web site at www.tvbarn.com @ART CAPTION:Below, "The Division" detectives (from left): Lisa Vidal, Nancy McKeon, Bonnie Bedelia, Lela Rochon Fuqua, Tracey Needham. @ART CREDIT:Lifetime television @ART CAPTION:The top-rated "Blue" cast (from left): Henry Simmons, Bill Brochtrup, James McDaniel, Gordon Clapp, Dennis Franz, Rick Schroder, Kim Delaney. @ART CREDIT:ABC @ART:Photos (2, color) >>>