Watch 'Ellie' at your own risk

'Watching Ellie' Airs: 7:30 tonight, NBC (Channel 41); episode repeats next week Stars: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Lauren Bowles, Darren Boyd, Steve Carell, Don Lake, Peter Stormare What is it? Comedy about a nightclub singer and the oddball men in her life. Why watch it? Because you like to see former "Seinfeld" stars go down in flames. This excruciating-to-watch comedy has no laugh track and, coincidentally, no laughs. The gimmick is a timer in the bottom left-hand corner that counts down the time until the episode is over. Thus, bored viewers can amuse themselves calculating how long Louis-Dreyfus' breasts wobble in nothing but a brassiere (4 minutes 15 seconds), how long before one of her male co-stars comments on them (8 minutes 35 seconds) or how much network time Louis-Dreyfus is given to prove that her character, Ellie, can sing jazz (66 seconds). Throw in some painfully bad slapstick, dialogue inspired by sixth-graders (typical comeback: "Well, yeah") and a cast of supporting characters only somewhat more unlikable than Ellie herself and you have an aimless mess of a show. It takes nearly 10 minutes for one of the characters to comment, "This is just a disaster." Watch the clock - you'll be saying it a lot sooner. @ART CAPTION:Julia Louis-Dreyfus @ART:Photo (color)