Steal this post!

My copy of the Family Guy direct-to-DVD film, "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story," arrived today, encased in plastic and abject corporate paranoia.

This cover letter (click to enlarge) set the tone, advising me to "Please take care of your DVD screener," which did not mean wiping the shiny side in a straight line as opposed to a circle, but rather meant that if someone at Fox should find this disc ("individually watermarked"!) in someone else's hands, I would risk severe career damage, or at least "the loss of your screener privileges."

The disc was also plastered with warnings, and then when I popped it in I got a lovely PSA:

YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A CAR (...see kid eyeing parked car)
YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A HANDBAG
YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A TELEVISION (...shadowy figures heisting TV from apartment)
YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A DVD
DOWNLOADING PIRATED FILMS IS STEALING
STEALING IS AGAINST THE LAW

Okay, okay. We get it. (But just in case we didn't, a "Property of Fox" message flashed on screen after the credits. You can't see it when fast-forwarding, only at normal speed. That's a new one on me.)

The question is, does this stuff do any good and -- more to the point -- are Fox's corporate lawyers correct in their assumption that (a) screeners like me are responsible for piracy and (b) that piracy is doing irreparable harm to the home video business and (c) that the entertainment industry's enforcement tactics are no more onerous than they were in the Betamax days?

I still think the most effective anti-piracy device is putting out product that doesn't suck and, by the way, is packaged thoughtfully for the collector. I think even Seth MacFarlane, the creator of "Family Guy," who stands to profit directly from the sales of this DVD, knows that. The opening scene of the Stewie movie takes place at the red-carpet premiere of ... the Stewie movie. Or as the local TV reporter on the scene puts it:

Tonight the stars are out for a special sneak preview of a straight-to-DVD feature that will soon be in the 3.99 bin at your local car wash.

Yup.

Update: A reader writes, "Just thought you'd like to know, I got my illegally downloaded copy about 3 weeks ago...from the amount of seeders on the web site, looks like anyone who really wants it can get it."