Also, Martha will ride her bike five miles to work

Just got a press packet touting the Fox Reality Channel, announcing that it is available in 18 million homes (and every single one of them, I bet, gets DirecTV). On the accompanying DVD, showing "highlights" of the Fox Reality Channel, is a montage of clips from the channel's repeats of "Joe Millionaire," repeats of "The Swan," repeats of "Temptation Island," repeats of "Extreme Dating" (?!), repeats of "Cops" ... And coming soon, the accompanying PowerPoint document announced, the Fox Reality Channel's "first original series" -- "Reality Remix," sort of a "Talk Soup" of reality TV clips.

Say this for Fox Reality Channel: It puts the "Re" in "reality."

Link: NBC Flips Apprentice: Martha, E-Ring - Broadcasting & Cable.

Seems "Martha's Apprentice" isn't the only NBC show getting its head handed to it on Wednesday nights. As the person who forwarded this to me noted, "NBC execs think that America's Next Top Model is draining away viewers and they'd rather put Martha up against LOST!!"

And from the "E-mails I'm Afraid to Open" Dept, this subject line:

URGENT -- THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW DVD DATE CHANGE!

Bugs of the future

Link: Kansas City Star | Barnhart | What’s up, Doc? A lame update.

Last week, the Looney Tunes spinoff "Loonatics Unleashed" signed on in Kids WB syndication. Much criticized when it was announced earlier this year, the project turns out to be not really worth getting worked up over -- and, from what I can tell, nobody is.  However, the corporate recycling of copyrighted characters does bring up a larger issue, and in this age of Internet fan fiction and unauthorized fanfilms, it is worth asking: When will Bugs Bunny finally enter the public domain, so that someone other than a Time Warner employee or subcontractor can have some fun remaking him?

Doing well by doing good

That old axiom of business is still holding true, for now at least, in the local television business. As I report in today's Kansas City Star, two television stations have merged and another two are poised to merge:

Link: Kansas City Star | 09/30/2005 | KCTV buys KSMO license

And the reason the government is letting it happen is because the new licenseholder has pledged to increase the amount of public affairs and news on the so-called "failing station" it's buying. Now, would any of this have happened were there not an "obsolete" regulation on the books, in this case the duopoly rule? Would Meredith Corp. have been so eager to pledge a half hour of its schedule to a public-affairs show hosted by teenagers if not for the duopoly rule?

The Kansas City Star's Dave Helling and I discussed this on what I hope is the first of many, many podcasts elaborating on the stories we report in our estimable (but finite number of) pages.

Download barnhart_interview_093005.mp3

By the way, if you hear what sounds like an inside joke during the podcast, Helling used to work at KCTV-5, the station involved in the merger.

Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals

Link: The Onion - America's Finest News Source.

We are amused.

The VP of sales will eat something even worse.

I post this only because everyone's favorite TV publicist, Cindy Ronzoni, sends it along:

GSN President and CEO Rich Cronin bet OLN President Gavin Harvey that his network’s THE AMAZING RACE would outperform OLN’s SURVIVOR in total viewers for the first month. Cronin told Harvey that if THE AMAZING RACE lost the bet that he would “race” to-and-from work, walking four miles each way for one week.  Harvey countered saying that if OLN’s SURVIVOR did not beat THE AMAZING RACE’s viewership that he would “survive” by eating a cricket.

The results are in and GSN’s THE AMAZING RACE averaged 355,000 total viewers each night in prime time, peaking with 495,000 on July 14.  OLN’s SURVIVOR averaged 200,000 total viewers each night in prime time, peaking with 362,000 viewers on August 3, putting GSN ahead of OLN in total viewers. True to his word, Harvey will honor the bet and eat a cricket with Cronin as a witness the next time the two are together in either New York or Los Angeles.  Surprisingly, both cities have a few good restaurants that serve this fine “delicacy.”

This reminds me of something Jack Paar once said: "Steve Allen says he's written 5,000 songs. Name two." Well, half a million people watched "The Amazing Race" on cable. And I'll bet you can't name two.

***

TVNewser posts a memo from CNN chief Jim Walton congratulating everybody on CNN International's 20th anniversary.

CNN International is not on my cable system. CNN International used to run nights and weekends when CNNfn wasn't on. But now that CNN is out of the biznews business, CNNfn has gone away and no more CNNI. That's a disgrace, and no one at CNN has the right to congratulate themselves until CNNI is on 24/7 on my cable system.

My Time Warner Cable system.

***

I've been a little derelict posting my reviews from the other site. Perhaps you've been visiting there anyway (a link is in the sidebar under, appropriately enough, Links). Here they are, in reverse order starting with today's:

Link: Kansas City Star | 09/29/2005 | A strange new drama stalks prime time

Link: Kansas City Star | 09/28/2005 | Reality and Mars are all right tonight.

Link: Kansas City Star | 09/27/2005 | ‘Chief’ has its work cut out for it.

It was only a matter of time.

As seen on tonight's "Veronica Mars," which like UPN, CBS, and for all I know, half of Mrs. Leslie Moonves's wardrobe is the property of Viacom.

Hating Geraldo means never having to say you're sorry

Link: Chicago Tribune | Times' `grudging' budge on nudge riles Rivera.

Nice column by Phil Rosenthal on how the New York Times bungled what would have been, at any other newspaper, a quick and painless mop-up operation after its chief TV critic, Alessandra Stanley, inferred that Fox News reporter Geraldo Rivera shoved a Katrina rescuer out of the way so he could appear to be helping Granny during a live shot. Even in issuing an "Editors' Note" clarifying things, Rosenthal notes the paper stopped short of actually apologizing for an error. (Here's the three-weeks-late note, with a link to the original review.)

I don't understand the media's obsession with Geraldo any more than I understand why the chief TV critic at a leading daily would feel the need to clean up somebody's Ebonics.

But be that as it may, Rivera did a standup job during Katrina, he's got a new syndicated show in a particularly brutal daypart that will probably be a success, and he'll be able to add another wing to his sprawling New Jersey manse. The guy's good at what he does, which is to connect emotionally with viewers (as Paul Harris and I agreed earlier this month).

Television, as has been observed often, is a notoriously elitist medium: millionaires on screen talking to high-school graduates at home.  Geraldo has managed to do succeed over 30 years in this profession without letting the spoils that are his (and every other star's) affect his style one iota.

All that was missing was the Wienermobile

We spent part of last weekend in Minnesota, Mrs. TV Barn's hometown, where we attended the Wykoff Fall Fest. We drank the weak beer and danced to the polka band, ate the delicious barbecue (which is delicious even though it bears no resemblance to the Kansas City variety) and German potato salad and saw the Irish jigs over at the Catholic Church. And we even stood through driving rain to watch the parade. If you'd like to do the same from the comfort of your office, click the link below. Click on any photo to stop the slideshow and read that photo's caption.

Link: Flickr: Slideshow.

It's all Fox's fault

Link: Trust in News Media Rebounds Somewhat This Year.

New Gallup poll has found that most people think more highly of the MSM than they did a year ago. Of course, the MSM now includes Fox News Channel in addition to the Wall Street Journal, hundreds of conservative-leaning daily newspapers throughout America, dozens of Sinclair stations, and any number of outlets for Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Paul Harvey and doubtless other pro-Republican voices.

And they still don't trust the media.

Oh well. The poll reminds me of those Gallup polls where Americans say, no, they don't trust Congress with their money ... but they think their Congressman is swell.

In other news:

"60 MINUTES' household rating was the highest in Sunday's time period (8:00-9:00 PM), positioning the broadcast at number eight in the weekly Nielsen rankings in that category and at number 11 in total viewers." (CBS PR)

Buoyed by pro football and an incredible lead story -- an interview with an American contractor kidnapped and held for 10 months in an underground cage in Iraq -- "60 Minutes" is poised for a return to its glory days when it spend two decades in Nielsen's top ten. That is an amazing feat and yet another feather in CBS's cap.

Cable 3Q2005 rankings just in:

Among total viewers, Nickelodeon is the most-watched cable channel in all the land, followed by Nick at Nite, which is a neat trick -- one setting on the dial, two Nielsen rankings. Then again, tied at third with TNT and Fox News (!) is another two-for-one, Cartoon Network and Adult Swim. Among 18-to-49-year-olds, Nick at Nite and TNT are tops.

What always interests me are the shows most watched by kids. Among preteens (ages 2-11), it was a "Danny Phantom" special that aired Sept. 16, followed by a "SpongeBob" episode. Among teens, the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards was the most watched in third quarter, followed by two "Real Worlds" and three "Family Guys." In total audience, three NFL games ranked 1-2-3 overall, followed by the MTV gala, two NASCAR races, the BET Awards, "The Flight That Fought Back," another NASCAR race and the Labor Day finale of "The Closer."

RIP, Don Adams

Link: Paul Harris Online: Aaron Barnhart, TV Barn Radio.

In today's TV Barn Radio segment of my KMOX show, Aaron Barnhart and I remembered Don Adams and "Get Smart."  Then we talked about the ratings for the season premieres of "Desperate Housewives," "The West Wing," and "Grey's Anatomy."  Finally, Aaron previews this week's new shows -- "Commander In Chief", the family edition of "The Amazing Race," and "Nightstalker."

Or maybe that's Alexis.

The rehabilitation of Martha Stewart is complete -- she's now appearing on the cover of her own magazine again!

We kid because we can. And because we just compared the ratings for Wednesday's "Apprentice: Martha Stewart Style" with the ratings that NBC posted in that same time period two years ago with the third season premiere of "Ed." Let's compare:

"Apprentice Martha," 9/21/05: 2.5 rating, 7 share among adults 18-49, 7.7 million viewers overall
"Ed," 9/24/03: 3.9 rating, 11 share among adults 18-49, 10.7 million viewers overall

And remember, "Ed" was moved to Fridays later that season because its numbers were stinko at that hour.

But who knows? Maybe people haven't found the show yet. Maybe they need to comparison shop: I still can't imagine who would want to watch a recruiting contest where first prize is a job with Donald Trump. (Second prize: Two jobs with Trump!) Maybe word-of-mouth will start sending viewers over to Wednesdays. Or maybe Mark Burnett just reached too far, as people are saying, and has scheduled one too many "Apprentices," not unlike ABC scheduling three too many "Millionaires" a while back.

Or maybe America is just saying it wants the old, mean Martha back. Maybe so. I'm sure she remembers where she put away her broomstick.

A lemon by any other name ...

Yeah, I know, John O'Hurley won "Dancing of the Stars" last night, anyway.  Not that anyone in the demo was watching:

SURVIVOR: GUATEMALA easily won its time period with a 10.2/16 with 16.60m viewers, 4.3/14 in adults 18-34, 5.9/16 in adults 18-49 and 7.1/18 in adults 25-54.  SURVIVOR: GUATEMALA beat the hour long season premiere of "Joey" by +82% in households (vs. 5.6/09), +48% in adults 18-34 (vs. 2.9/09), +79% in adults 18-49 (vs. 3.3/09) and +92% in adults 25-54 (3.7/09) and by +8.76m viewers (from 7.84m, +112%) as well as "The O.C." and "Dancing With the Stars Dance-Off."

CRIMINAL MINDS beat the season premiere of "ER" by +35% in households (vs. 9.3/15), +3% in adults 18-49 (vs. 6.5/16) and +10% in adults 25-54 (7.3/17) and by +5.56m viewers (from 14.26m, +39%).

From 9:00-10:00 PM, the sixth season premiere of CSI finished first in households (16.9/25), viewers (28.29m), adults 25-54 (11.7/26), adults 18-49 (9.9/24) and adults 18-34 (7.9/21) and is the night's most watched and highest rated program in households, adults 18-34, adults 18-49 and adults 25-54.

And there's more from the happy kingdom of Viacom:

EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS kicked off a brand new night of series programming for UPN on the highly competitive Thursday night with an incredible second place finish from 8:00-8:30PM in the key advertiser demo of adults 18-49 (3.2/9), women 18-49 (3.7/10) and total viewers (7.576mil), beating the premiere of NBC's "Joey" and an original "The OC" on FOX.

Meanwhile, tonight:

Link: Kansas City Star | 09/23/2005 | ‘Three Wishes’ and three reasons to skip TV.

A reader takes issue with my claim that Amy Grant "left Christian music" in 1986:

Since she has had more songs on CCM’s Contemporary Hits Radio charts since 1985 than before 1985, I believe you are in error.  I don’t know if you are thinking that when “Find a Way” made it onto the Pop charts that that meant Ms. Grant had left Christian music.  If so, that would be like thinking that when “Here You Come Again” crossed over to the Pop charts for Dolly Parton, then she left Country music.  It just ain’t so.

Interesting point, though crossovers are a little easier to negotiate between non-Christian music forms. I doubt Dolly Parton would so pointedly exclude her pre-pop career from her "Greatest Hits" CD, for instance.

To tell the truth, O'Hurley has no chance

Here's a prediction I'd love to see proved wrong: "Dancing with  the Stars" has decided that the judges' votes won't count any more. Yep, it's been "Idolized." Only problem is, ballroom dancing is a competition in which technical prowess counts for something. That can't be judged entirely from home. I think ABC's "solution" to this summer's controversy between John O'Hurley (with Charlotte Jorgenson) and Kelly Monaco (with Alec Mazo) only makes the problem worse.

Link: Kansas City Star | Barnhart | Why Kelly Monaco will win again.

But then, maybe you couldn't care less about ballroom dancing. In which case, let me point out that we have a Kansas City contestant on "The Apprentice" that starts tonight. It's Felisha Mason, whom you'll see and hear from a few times tonight. 

Oh, and last but not least: The best new show of the fall starts tonight.

Link: Everybody, watch 'Chris'

Ironically, I was lost without it.

Dick Helton, of KNX Radio in Los Angeles, had a question for me on Monday morning: Who benefits from this year's Emmy Awards? Hands down, it's anyone who is selling copies of the "Lost" DVD this week. The just-out first season set will be required viewing for anyone who hasn't seen all of the nail-biting episodes, and the Emmys were the final boot-in-the-pants to go do it.

I must admit I haven't been following the TV Guide articles -- did you know that TV Guide has been writing about "Lost"? -- with all the teasers for the new season. Since, after all, I'm going to be watching the show anyway. Starting tonight.

Link: Kansas City Star | Barnhart | "Lost" finds suitable companion with "Invasion".

Also in that piece, a few words about Martha Stewart. It's been literally days since I've written any.

Next week: Karma runs over Earl's dogma

Finally, after four months of hype, bus billboards and three-minute "sneak previews" that essentially gave away the entire first episode, "My Name Is Earl" has arrived. And speaking of finally, "nip/tuck" has returned after a year's hiatus.

Kansas City Star | Barnhart | 'Earl's' a pearl; will viewers find it?

You can find my entire fall TV preview package elsewhere on TV Barn.

Now this from Paul Harris Online:

In this week's TV Barn Radio segment of my KMOX show, Aaron Barnhart and I talked about the Emmy Awards telecast -- I asked him why Jon Stewart and Jay Leno have to compete in the same category with Hugh Jackman, Whoopi Goldberg, and Tracey Ullman -- and wonder why no one has given Brad Garrett a TV show of his own yet. Listen to the conversation.

Also, a couple of online picks. If you missed any of the "Evolution, Schmevolution" series that aired on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" last week (see my story), the funnier videos are now online at Comedy Central.

And did anybody else see that wild Oxford-style debate between Christopher Hitchens and George Galloway over the Iraq war last weekend? Taped last week under the auspices of the Nation Institute and moderated by Amy Goodman -- probably the least moderate moderator since Fred Engels emceed Karl Marx's bookstore appearances -- it was entertaining and, amazingly, illuminating, one of those rare controversies that generated nearly equal amounts of heat and light.  Anyway, C-SPAN's re-airing it on the weekend, or you can watch it online anytime (more).

Kum ba yah

From the 40 or so voice mails that awaited me on my return, this one stood out:

Listen to mp3 (1:29)

Now let me get this straight: You read the entire article, forcing yourself to make it all the way to the end. Then you spent a minute-and-a-half leaving me a message reacting to it ... and you think it was a "waste of ink and paper"?  Dude, you couldn't have validated me any more if you'd sat with me in an encounter circle cross-legged, holding my hand and singing "This Little Light of Mine."

Latest sale rumor....

Link: Broadcasting & Cable: The Business of Television.

John Higgins has a story this week reporting that News Corp., owner of Fox and a boatload of Fox affiliates, is thinking of unloading some of the mid-market stations (including WDAF-TV in Kansas City) to free up cash for other things.

Assuming this is a little more credible than earlier sale rumors -- like the one irresponsibly touted by a reporter four years ago -- then it means the unbundling of Big Media companies, however minor and incrementalist, is underway. The good old days of 7-7-7 can't be too far behind, can they?

Mountain of mail

Back from vacation. The mail cartons are full and the hamster wheel is spinning hard. So let me just link to my Emmys piece and Monday TV preview and then add more thoughts later this morning.

Kansas City Star | Barnhart | 'Raymond,' 'Lost' top Emmy honors

and don't forget your RealCities (miami.com, philly.com) ID is good here as well:

Kansas City Star | Barnhart | Fox whips up something funny in 'Kitchen Confidential'

If not ideas.

I've officially run out of links. So if you want to find any of my other reviews from this week while I'm on vacation, you'll have to look on my index page and hope they were posted in a timely manner.

Aaron Barnhart's page at the Kansas City Star

On Wednesday, my review of Fox's "Head Cases" should post there and on Friday, CBS's "Threshold" and WB's "Twins."

Back on Sunday.

Bad girls....worse shows

I'm told that the lead in "Bones" is based on an actual crime-solving forensic anthropologist named Kathy Reichs. Don't be surprised if, after "Bones" is cancelled (before Christmas, my guess), Reichs issues a Raymond Donovan-like statement that asks: "Where do I go to get my reputation back?" It's not a flattering portrayal ...

Also premiering tonight: WB's bizarre "Supernatural."

Link: Kansas City Star | Barnhart