In local monologue joke material...

Good news, Kansas City! You lead off Jay Leno's monologue tonight.

Now for the bad news.....

       DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS?  THE CHANNEL 5 NEWS TEAM IN KANSAS CITY SHOWED HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE OF MICE LIVING ONBOARD AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PLAN.  AS MANY AS A THOUSAND MICE WERE ON THE PLANE INFESTING EVERYTHING.  EATING INSULATION, CHEWING THROUGH WIRES...AND THAT WAS IN FIRST CLASS.  IN COACH, IT WAS GIANT WHARF RATS AND FIRE ANTS.

       IS THAT AMAZING...A THOUSAND MICE LIVING ON THE PLANE.  HERE'S THE IRONIC PART, IT ALL STARTED WITH JUST TWO MICE THAT WANTED TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB.