TV Barn's TV Picks for Sept. 8

"Big Brother" mastermind "Evil" Dr. Will Kirby has invested in what unusual toy?

A) baseballs with his face on it
B) horror movie porcelain houses
C) "My First Plastic Surgery" set
D) a tax collector Halloween costume
E) teddy bears stuffed with coffee beans

[Cast your vote, then see which four answers are evicted at the bottom of the column.]

TV Barn's TV Picks for Friday, September 8, 2006
by Tom Heald with Jon Delfin
All times Eastern
For PBS programs, check local listings

= = = = =

11 a.m.
U.S. Open tennis (CBS)

7 p.m.
"Impact: Stories of Survival" (Discovery Health)
"Squirrel Boy" (Cartoon)
"A Salute to the Crocodile Hunter" (TV Guide)

7:30 p.m.
"Codename: Kids Next Door" (Cartoon)

7:50 p.m.
"Stand Up or Shut Up" (Starz Comedy)

8 p.m.
One night a man dreamed he was walking along the beach with his wife. Many scenes from his life flashed across the sky. In each scene he noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only. And it was in the lowest points of his life that there were only one set of tracks. That's because as they walked along the beach, the man shot his wife and to cover it up he shot himself. Life's a beach on "Dateline" (NBC).

Grab your x-ray specs for "Inside: Women Behind Bars" (Court)

A spoon full of high fructose corn syrup helps the reality show go down in the most "Nanny 911" (Fox) way.

"World War III? Beyond Lebanon" (History)
"Star Trek 40th Anniversary Event" (TV Land)
"Pokemon Mystery Dungeon" (Cartoon; see also 8:30)
"Hannah Montana" (Disney)
"Degrassi's 40 Most Go-Therest Moments" (Noggin)
"Style Rocks the Red Carpet: Fashion Rocks" (E!; see 9)
"WWE Friday Night SmackDown!" (UPN)
"Discoveries This Week" (Discovery Science)
"The Dog Whisperer" (National Geographic; also 9)
"What Not to Wear: Pageant Rewind" (TLC; see also 9)
"Trick My Truck" (CMT)

8:30 p.m.
"The Suite Life of Zack & Cody" (Disney)
"Foxworthy's Big Night Out" (CMT)
"Pokemon: Battle Frontier" (Cartoon)
"Style Her Famous" (E!): Angelina Jolie

9 p.m.
Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé, Bon Jovi, the Black Eyed Peas, Jamie Foxx, Nellie Furtado, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, the Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, Scissor Sisters and Kanye West caterwaul down the catwalk of Radio City Music Hall for "Fashion Rocks" (CBS), which are a heckuva lot sparklier than my Pet Rocks(tm).

Mori Vala gets amnesia on "Stargate SG-1" (Sci Fi). Or something like that.

"The Kumars at No. 42" (BBC America) gave a clambake with Elvis Costello.

Are all the male "American Idol" contestants gay? You won't find out on "NOW" (PBS).

Is Hal sparkling? Was Lucy flawless? Find out on the "Celebrity Duets Results Show" (Fox).

"20/20" (ABC; two hours) goes undercover to help Katie Couric decide on her sign-off catch phrase.

"The Replacements" (Disney; premiere)
"Kath & Kim" (Sundance)
"What Not to Wear: Reunion" (TLC)

9:30 p.m.
"The Life & Times of Juniper Lee" (Cartoon)

10 p.m.
"Jack Dee Live at the Apollo" (BBC America) welcomes Omid Djalili.

"AIR: America's Investigative Reports" (PBS) asks whether the prescription and over-the-counter drugs you're taking should ever have been approved by the FDA in "A Bitter Pill: Viagra Falls."

McKay has an unexpected reunion with his sister on "Stargate Atlantis" (Sci Fi). And we all know what that means.

TELE-GEBRA
"World Trade Center" x "Backdraft" = "Firestorm: Last Stand at Yellowstone" (A&E). Real firefighters may scream "Rescue Me" from the alcoholism, paranoia and death fixations of Denis Leary's fantasy/drama. Never fear, Scott Foley and Richard Burgi are here in a tale of true heroism from the people who brought you the Jessica Lynch TV movie. (This is supposed to inspire us to watch?)

"Cover Shot" (TLC; also 10:30)
"The Soup" (E!)
"Skeleton Stories" (Discovery Health): "African American Magic"
"John Edward Cross Fake Country" (WE)
"Sexual Healing" (Showtime)

10:30 p.m.
"Sizzling Fall Preview" (E!)

11 p.m.
With the grant money already spent, all hope of producing a credible documentary on Native American peyote rituals has gone up in smoke on "The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman" (IFC).

"Anatomy of a Collapse: Lessons From 9/11" (Discovery)
"The World Stands Up" (BBC America; also 11:30)

11:30 p.m.
"The Business" (IFC) has cast The Porn Star for The Movie. Will she agree to take off The Blouse?

midnight
"Action Sports" (USA)

BABY, TALK TO ME
* P.J. O'Rourke, Rob Thomas, Joan Walsh, David Gregory and Benjamin Netanyahu spend quality time with Bill Maher.
* Charlie Rose types facing Jim Courier, unless a Times New Roman looks more elegant.
* Megan Mullally, Betty Horton, Sam Bush and Emmylou Harris do the twang thang on the Tonight Show.
* Tyra Banks, Jason Statham and Papa Roach ask Jimmy for motel recommendations.
* Conan mashes potatoes with Alan Alda, Sophia Bush and Citizen Cope.
* Shannen Doherty, Jerome Bettis and Under the Influence of Giants break up with Carson.

KIRBY VACUUM
Hopefully with some of his reality show money, the dermatologist has a stake in E) overpriced teddy bears stuffed with coffee beans. Please don't ask me for the Web site.

TV Barn's TV Picks are online anytime at http://tv.yahoo.com/news/tvb/

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