Move over, Hassenbeck

Remember that on-air fit that Elisabeth Hasselbeck threw on "The View" last week after realizing a murder-rape victim on "SVU" had been named for her? Hasselbeck was so incensed that she picked up the phone and called "Law & Order" creator (and "SVU" spinoff credit-taker) Dick Wolf, who shocked every single member of the press who has ever covered Dick Wolf by being a jerk to her.

Well, that was last week.  The screener just arrived for this Friday's sweeps episode of "Law  & Order (Original Recipe, Now With Zero Trans Fats)," which a cover note from the Wolfman himself describes thusly:

"The episode is about a television star [played by Chevy Chase] who is stopped for drunk driving, and when the cops notice his blood soaked clothes, he is arrested. Despite the fact that his anti-Semitic tirade makes him a lightning rod for controversy, the bigger concern is the murder he covered up.

"As you will see when you watch the episode, the story may be 'ripped from the headlines,' but there are shocking twists and turns blah blah blah."

Of course, "Law  & Order" stopped shocking viewers a long time ago. The faithful hang on to it, in fact, precisely because they are comforted by the show's predictable, unchanging motions. Meanwhile, with each new change of cast member the acting has steadily veered into the domain of "Perry Mason" and, from Wolf's hero Jack Webb, "Dragnet," though it hasn't yet arrived in Matlockville. (Give it a couple more years on Friday night.)

So we have the Mel angle -- but guess whose show Chevy's character makes his obligatory TV confession on? Hint: It's an interview show done across a table with a guy in suspenders ... wait for it ... "Barry Bishop Live." 

Gee, I hope the renowned nature photographer doesn't take offense.

More like the "Make Money Movie"

One of my many intelligent and with-it readers, Suzanne Hayes, noticed that the local NBC affiliate, KSHB-TV, is pre-empting two hours of network programming Wednesday night, the last night before sweeps, for a very special movie presentation, "Major League," starring Charlie Sheen (at right in glasses, for the six of you who haven't seen the 1989 classic).

You don't have to be a industry specialist to know what's going on here.  KSHB is putting on a 105-minute movie in a two-hour time slot so that it can sell 50 campaign spots to politicians in Kansas and Missouri six days before the election.

In the old days, what KSHB is doing would be called a "make-good movie." Stations, especially low rated ones, would need to run them from time to time to appease their advertisers whose  commercials didn't reach the promised number of viewers.  Make goods are part of every medium, but only TV broadcasters have to literally shoehorn new ones in because they work with a finite amount of ad space. And nearly all of the most desirable commercial time is reserved for the networks to sell to their sponsors.

Knowing this, every network allows affiliates to pre-empt a certain number of hours a year.  KSHB gets eight hours, which strikes me as kind of stingy. Those of you who read Ken Auletta's brilliant book about the TV industry, Three Blind Mice, may recall the author visiting Kansas City for the express purpose of profiling the then-general manager of KCTV, whose claim to fame was that his station pre-empted more hours of network programming than any other CBS affiliate in the country.

KSHB doesn't have it so easy because, when it went from a Fox station to an NBC affiliate in the 1990s, ownership was in no position to negotiate.

Nowadays, though, one might argue NBC is the one that has to lump it.  I mean, can you name the programs airing at 8 and 9 p.m. Central time Wednesday night that KSHB will be pre-empting?  (Hint: Neither show involves actors, unless you count Caroline Rhea.)

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 31

ITT'S SO EASY TO FALL IN LOVE

Which cartoon spun off an animated series for "The Addams Family"?

A) "Buford and the Galloping Ghost"

B) "Help!... It's the Hair Bear Bunch!"

C) "The Flintstones"

D) "Frankenstein, Jr. and the Impossibles"

E) "The New Scooby-Doo Movies"

TV Barn Radio

TV critic Aaron Barnhart talked about NBC moving "Friday Night Lights" into the "Studio 60" time slot, where the latter may never return. We also discussed the sweeps-month plot for "House" (and Hugh Laurie's appearance on "SNL" this weekend) and an HBO documentary about whether electronic voting machines are reliable. Paul Harris Online.

"The Wrap Party," indeed

Here is an excellent analysis about why "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" is moments away from cancellation.

Now my take, having seen what might be the last episode of "Studio 60" the general public gets to see before the DVD comes out.

It is not the Christian right that tuned out this show, any more than Bill O'Reilly aficionados are the reason David Letterman is in second place. (By that logic, Dave should shoot to the No. 1 spot after playing kissy-face with old Bill on Friday's show.)

No, the people who tuned out this show are the people who grew weary of "Studio 60's" plodding pace and endless recycling of less-than-dynamic story lines, such as the hire-a-brotha subplot from last week's episode and, yes, the ongoing Kristen Chenoweth/Victoria Jackson-alluding saga about how Matt doesn't want to be with a Christian.

It's not that the storyline is offensive. But the idea that viewers are expected to live off "Lost"-sized nibbles of development of this storyline week after week, while the rest of "Studio 60" moves along at a turgid pace that belies its frantic camera motion -- that's what started to offend even the show's hardcore viewers.

And now? It's 2000 all over again, only instead of Friday nights on CBS, it's Monday nights on NBC where the 9 o'clock show is doubling up the 10 o'clock show. (You'll recall CBS was all hot for a remake of "The Fugitive" starring Tim Daly, and shoehorned a little something called "CSI" behind it at 9 ... but not for long.)

With each passing week, it became more and more obvious that Aaron Sorkin and Tommy Schlamme were not going to recreate the magic of "The West Wing," and that they should've gone to NBC last spring and begged the network to continue that show for another season, with them at the helm.

But I will conclude with these words from Jack Rudolph's exchange with Danny Tripp at the end of last week's episode, aptly named "The Wrap Party." (The photo above shows the two of them in a scene that may never air; it's from next week's scheduled episode.) Picture these parts as two sides of Aaron Sorkin's brain -- the Aaron Sorkin who has digested a slew of early reviews, and early ratings, from his overhyped show with the unlikely premise -- and it allllllll makes sense:

JACK: (inebriated) I'm looking for a fight and it's going to be you.
DANNY: Really?
JACK: Yeah. But before I reach down your throat and squeeze your kidneys with my hand, I want to thank you for helping Jordan acquire for NBS the television series about the United Nations. Cuz that's got "smash hit" written all over it. I'm thinking of premiering it against the Super Bowl.
DANNY: Jack....
JACK: America's been waiting for a show about negotiating lasting peace in the Sudan.
DANNY: Jack....
JACK: I hope we'll hold off on the debate  over humanitarian aid to Darfur until sweeps!
DANNY: Jack!
JACK: An episode will be a winner as long as it's about the U ... N.  Cuz Americans are just c-razy about the UN.  We just can't get enough of their freewheeling, sexy, buccaneer style!   I foresee a couple of problems ... like nobody at the UN speaks a second language. But that's OK. Because if there's one thing every teenager loves, it's subtitles!! (menacingly, in Danny's face) You see it as part of your job to screw with my company, don't you?
DANNY: No, I do not. That's just one of the perks.

 

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 30

LAST CALL
"The Bob Newhart Show" inspired most modern "drinking games" because of its frequent use of the phrase "Hi, Bob." If you watched all of the episodes in the series, how many drinks will you have consumed?

A) 149
B) 256
C) 365
D) 560
E) 842

What to watch this week

"Cracker" is back-er, "Hack" does "House," two gems from HBO and hide the kids, it's sweeps month!

Time Warner Cable looking to reclaim edge

  Now that we know Time Warner Cable is staying Time Warner Cable, what's in it for the 300,000 customers of Kansas City's dominant cable provider?

  After years of technological advances and new gizmos for its subscribers, Time Warner Cable has lately suffered from a failure to innovate. There's a reason for that. For two years the company has been in limbo while the media giants that owned it, Time Warner and Comcast Corp., sorted out a mess of business deals across the country. That included the future of Kansas City Cable Partners, the 50-50 joint venture operating under the Time Warner brand (before that, it was known as American Cablevision).

  Late this summer word finally came that Comcast would sell its half of the partnership to Time Warner. Since Time Warner managers were running the system anyway, things could have stayed just as they were.

  But Roger Ponder knew better. Ponder, the general manager of Time Warner Kansas City, was keenly aware that with the long corporate drama finally over, it was time to start delivering the goods again to his customers.

"Raymond" creator writes what he knows best

Roughly two minutes after CBS announced that the ninth season of “Everybody Loves Raymond” would be the last, critics like me surveyed the bleak landscape of situation comedy and wondered, will another decent sitcom come our way again?

  “No,” says Philip Rosenthal, who created “Raymond” with and for comedian Ray Romano. “Comedy is dead. When we left, there was no more sitcom. Not only that, the end of laughing, and soon, the end of smiling.”

  It's a funny line. Even funnier coming from the mouth of Rosenthal, a former standup comic turned writer who has just gifted the world with a laugh-out-loud memoir, You're Lucky You're Funny: How Life Becomes a Sitcom. 

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 27-29

I GOT A ROCK
"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" animator and director Bill Melendez also performed the voice of which character in the special?

A) Charlie Brown
B) Franklin
C) Miss Othmar
D) Pigpen
E) Snoopy

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 26

IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
Which comedian's first TV show was the rather modestly titled, "Hi, There"?

A) Jack Benny
B) Johnny Carson
C) Benny Hill
D) Ernie Kovacs
E) Bob Newhart

NBC places its bets on comedy again

Get the phone, Tina - it's Kevin Reilly with good news.

I told you "30 Rock" was a hoot.  You wouldn't believe me. But who's laughing now?

NBC announced today that it is remaking its classic two-hour comedy block on Thursday nights after November sweeps. And "30 Rock" is going to be part of it, along with "Scrubs." It will have its coming-out party Nov. 16, during sweeps with one of those super-sized don't-touch-your-dial specials NBC seems to enjoy inflicting on the public.  (I've got nothing against hanging onto your audience.  But when did a show get better just by making it longer?)

The Tina Fey "write what you know" sitcom about life behind the scenes at a NBC sketch comedy show, "30 Rock" isn't exactly a classic. But it deserves better than it's gotten in that shotgun marriage with "20 Good Years," which appears to be toast, and not 20 good minutes too soon.

"30 Rock" will join "Scrubs" and current Thursday occupants "Earl" and "Office" Nov. 30, as the lead-in to "ER."  Granted, it may turn into "Grey's Anatomy" roadkill like former time slot occupant "Deal or No Deal." But with "Scrubs" as its lead-in, I like to think they're replacing Howie Mandel with "The Real Deal."

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 25

FIGHT NIGHTS
Prior to "Moonlighting," Cybill Shepherd worked on what TV series?

A) "Bare Essence"
B) "Dallas"
C) "Falcon Crest"
D) "Flamingo Road"
E) "The Yellow Rose"

Hey, Jim Talent! Yeah, you with the sleazeball ad guys. Stop it. Now.

Mrs. TV Barn just phoned to say that the skanky TV commercial that oozed out of the Jim Talent for Senate camp popped up again on KSHB-TV tonight, just before the 10 o'clock news.

For those of you just tuning in, this is the ad that was cleverly designed to leave the impression that the Kansas City Star was calling Talent's opponent, Claire McCaskill, to task for her husband's nursing-home dealings.

Unfortunately for Jim Talent, the only Senate candidate the Kansas City Star is calling to task is Jim Talent — for dragging this newspaper into his attack campaign.

As was reported in this morning's edition, Talent was called out by the nonpartisan FactCheck.org at the Annenberg School of Journalism for using quotes from the Star deceptively:

Throughout these ads fragmentary quotes about McCaskill appear, superimposed over the banner of the Kansas City Star. The quotes include: "spreading untruths," "exaggerating," "false," "embellished" and "clearly violated ethical standards." But none of these were the words of the Star's reporters or editors.

The quote fragments, as you've probably already guessed by now, are from McCaskill's opponents, whose charges have never been substantiated and, indeed, have mostly been ridiculed outside the circles of McCaskill haters.

What really cheeses me about Jim Talent's attack ads is that he's using the trademark quality of good journalism — its insistence on getting both sides — to create crappy ads that promote crappy politics.

But when the Star's editorial page editor demanded the ads be pulled, Jim Talent's flack claimed lamely that there was no intent to mislead the public by invoking the Star every five seconds.  That's a laugh.  Take a look, above, at a typical screen grab from one of the four commercials cited by FactCheck.org.  Talent's flack also resorted to the lame "But those ads aren't even airing" defense, and we now have proof that that isn't true, either.

Jim Talent should've quietly pulled these deceptive commercials over the weekend. Why does he insist on keeping them on the air? Is that all he's got?

Questions after watching episode 3 of "Lost"

(Here's a nice recap of that episode from The House Next Door.)

Isn't it starting to become obvious that John Locke had a more interesting life BEFORE the airplane crash?  Is that disturbing to anyone else besides me? 

Flashbacks are interesting, but forward progress is mandatory in everything you see on TV except sitcoms. But all we see of Locke that's compelling these days is through a rear-view mirror.  Not good.

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 24

JOB STARTS WITH J
Bob McGrath's character "Bob" on "Sesame Street" was originally a schoolteacher. What was his subject?

A) art
B) English
C) gym
D) home ec
E) shop

Fox strikes out ... and NBC balks

This afternoon on KMOX, TV critic Aaron Barnhart and I talked about Fox's World Series coverage (and how good Jon Miller and Joe Morgan are with the radio broadcasts), and the controversial announcement that NBC won't be putting new sitcoms or dramas in the first hour of primetime anymore. Link: Paul Harris Online.

AUDIO: He's lucky he's funny

His name is Philip Rosenthal ... actually, I'm not sure how many people call him Philip besides his mother, but it helps me keep him distinct from my colleague Phil Rosenthal.

And though Phil Rosenthal is a very funny guy, having read Philip Rosenthal's book, You're Lucky You're Funny (a phrase coined by Mrs. Philip Rosenthal, a/k/a Monica Horan), I must conclude that the creator of "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a very, very, VERY funny guy.  I hooted and howled and left my copy of the book all dog-eared. (Like Mark Foley, I lost my bookmark, so now I bend pages over.)

We actually talked before I'd gotten my copy of the book, but it was a productive -- and, yes, funny -- interview nonetheless.  Before I started the recorder, I mentioned to him that the greatest barbecue in Kansas City was to be had at Oklahoma Joe's, located inside a Valero gas station at 47th and Mission in KCK, so you'll hear a couple of mentions of that place on the audio, which runs about nine minutes.Download Philip_Rosenthal1.mp3

TV Barn's TV Picks for Oct. 23

TEN HUT!
Which "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" actor dressed up in "Stripes"?

A) Ed Asner
B) Timothy Busfield
C) D.L. Hughley
D) Steven Weber
E) Bradley Whitford

What to watch this week

The long-anticipated "Saturday TV Funhouse" DVD arrives, "Viva Blackpool" returns, and why did she wear lipstick to her mastectomy?