A muddy agenda for 'Dirt'

After starring for 10 years in “Friends,” one of the most financially successful television shows ever made, you would think the six co-stars would have had the sense to move on.

Like the Microsoft millionaires and robber barons before them, they could have retired to a life of jet-setting and philanthropy.

But to quote the old joke about the man who cleaned up after the circus elephants, “What — and leave show business?”

And so we have the inevitable parade of downwardly mobile superstars striking out in sitcoms (Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow), lending their voices to manic cartoon critters (David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox) and trying to get the public interested in their dark, tortured sides (Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry).

Now comes Courteney Cox as a ruthless magazine editor in “Dirt,” premiering at 9 tonight on FX. On paper, this one has promise: “Dirt” takes aim at the celebrity industry, which has managed to hog an absurdly large amount of airspace in our culture. It’s airing on basic cable’s most daring network, which isn’t afraid to let its producers make statements about hot-button topics like plastic surgery, 9/11 and abortion.

And who better to cast as the woman who destroys careers and lives with her journalism than Cox, a person who once stood at the center of the bubble?

Unfortunately, the first two hours of “Dirt” give no sense that anyone wants to make an entertaining satire out of all this.

Cox plays Lucy Spiller, a cold-hearted editrix who runs two successful celeb weeklies called Drrt and Now, and don’t you dare call them gossip rags. “Gossip is what lands you in court,” she lectures one staffer. “The only real defense we have is the truth, preferably with photos.”

Part of “Dirt’s” problem is it’s in the awkward position, due to production schedules, of running to catch up with real life.

The first episode shows Lucy presiding over an editorial meeting to discuss the upcoming “Derriere Don’ts” story. The featured photo is of Britney Spears’ behind. But now that Miss Spears has treated the world to intimate views of her gynecology, seeing her in jeans seems quaint.

Another problem is that, for large portions of the show, Cox vanishes, and the drama shifts to Ian Hart. This largely unbilled actor plays Lucy’s best paparazzo, Don, a specialist in shooting stars in compromising positions. Don is also a schizophrenic who won’t take his meds, and a lot of the first hour is spent watching the predictable side effects.

When Cox returns, it’s either to show caring and concern to Don or to extort information out of some poor sap using Don’s photos. It’s even more disturbing to watch than schizophrenia.

Cox could have made something of Lucy, but there are too many competing agendas on this show. Three sex scenes in the opener’s first 17 minutes don’t help, either.

The dirt on “Dirt” is that it doesn’t deliver the squirm of “Nip/Tuck’s” first season, the shock of “The Shield’s” Emmy-winning pilot, or the useful corrective of Morgan Spurlock’s “30 Days” — all fine shows from FX.
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