One thing we notice about the upfronts is that they tend not to reinvent the wheel. That is, the CBS upfront tends to look the same every year, and so the Fox upfront, not so much NBC this year, but definitely ABC. Looking back at my rundown of last year's ABC upfront, I'm amazed at the similarities: the musical number, the Jimmy Kimmel razzfest, even the trademark hourglass pantsuit with the big button worn by Anne Sweeney.
While I was settling into my seat in the front row at the Gene Siskel Film Center -- a tribute, I guess, since I always sit in the front row at the movies -- I heard what sounded like Kimmel heckling over the PA. ABC's upfront was being held at Avery Fisher Hall in New York's Lincoln Center. A director kept switching around from various camera shots of the hall, and whenever there was a close up of the audience, Kimmel's smart-aleck voice would jump in and say something like, "Don't be stuck up, Bob, give Barry a kiss" (to Disney chieftain Bob Iger, standing next to Barry Sonnenfeld), as well as the usual pre-show announcements, done his way: "Please take your seats, 'Spider-Man 3' will begin in four minutes." "Please turn off your cellphones and pacemakers." Jimmy also had a telestrator, which he used to draw big hearts around people he thought should smooch on his kiss cam. He also wrote, IT'S THE GHOST OF MADDEN. BOO. Puerile but entertaining filler.
"Take your seats and have your bingo cards ready," Jimmy said just before showtime. I thought he was kidding about the bingo cards part.
After the obligatory opening video reel, out comes Sweeney for the obligatory digital pep talk. Someone should tell her to stop using that gesture where she appears to be holding two big grapefruits in her hands ... or something else. Sweeney extols the 100 million videos that have been streamed over ABC's "Emmy Award-winning media player" and the fact that 85 percent of people remember what they have streamed. But for Sweeney, it all comes down to the shows. "Our goal is to get more people to watch our shows and more people to watch your ads."
Here comes the only-at-upfronts part. Sweeney seems positively giddy about her company's latest digital breakthrough: It has inked deals with two of the top cable operators, Time Warner and Cox, where they will agree to carry ABC shows on their video-on-demand services ... and have also agreed to disable the fast-forward feature that will allow viewers to skip the ads. "Fans who use our VOD service will also see your ads," Sweeney said, beaming.
And now, it is her pleasure to introduce ABC's sales chief, Mike Shaw. (Which reminds me of a "Jimmy Kimmel Upfront Fact" that flashed on the screen at Avery Fisher before the show: "You cannot Tivo past Mike Shaw's presentation.") "This is the golden age of television!" crows Shaw. And it's the golden age of Nielsen ratings, because now advertisers will learn how many people actually watch each TV commercial.
Speaking of golden, it's ABC's turn to tout the upscale demo. For years, no NBC upfront presentation would be complete without Jeff Zucker or Garth Ancier or Scott Sassa (remember him?) bragging about how many households with income above $100,000 a year were watching NBC programs. Now it's ABC, which is "number one by a large margin" in reaching six-figure-income homes.
Mike concludes his talk with a phrase I cannot do justice in print, and then it's on to another video reel, set to emotive music as the words flash on the screen: Start believing … Start hoping … Start smiling … Start dancing — you knew that one was coming — Start loving … Start sharing — file sharing???? — Start dreaming … Start feeling … Start living. ABC. Start here.
And out walks the president of ABC entertainment, Steve McPherson. "I heard NBC cut Kevin Reilly's dance number. What's up with that? No, seriously …" And then into his spiel about making compelling shows, taking bold chances, bringing back 17 shows next season (same as CBS), being in first on the two nights that mean the most to you, the advertser (Sundays, Thursdays), we're kicking ass on Mondays without football, and then, I have to say, a refreshing admission:
"I don't focus on technology," said the top programmer at ABC."There are a lot of really smart people at ABC worrying about that. What I am passionate about is creating the best shows, scheduling them effectively and marketing them better than anyone else." He figures if people who miss one episode of their favorite shows "have to stream it or download it on another platform to catch up," he's done his job. "If I'm going to stand in front of a big sign that says, 'ABC. Start here,' I'm going to have to give you a good reason to stay here." Nicely packaged, as Mike Shaw would say.
And with that, it's time for the musical number. Only this year it's not Marc but Mark leading the band: namely, 12-year-old Mark Indelicato, the peppy "Ugly Betty" star with the gift of song (which, we will soon discover, is not shared by America Ferrara).
Then on to the new comedies.
"Sam I Am": In this dramedy, Christina Applegate awakens from a coma with "retrograde amnesia," which means she doesn't remember she was a jerk who made a lot of bad choices back in the day. It's kind of like "Regarding Henry," only funnier and without an unsettling shooting scene. I'm lumping this with "Miss Guided" in the definitely-not-for-me category.
"Carpooling": Four guys with nothing in common except a desire to save money commuting to work get involved in each others' lives away from the carpool. I'm lumping this with "Cavemen" in the I-guess-this-is-for-me category. A couple of LOLs in the clip reel, but that's not saying much. I'm pretty sure if you taped me watching the "Rules of Engagement" screener you'd hear me LOL.
"Miss Guided": Ditzy blonde returns to her high school alma mater, as a guidance counselor. The silent black guy from the AFLAC ads appears to play the principal. This one's scheduled for midseason, but it doesn't look ready for prime time.
"Cavemen": Of course I want to like this one, but after viewing the cutdown — in which the caveguys put on western wear and attend a Texas-style barbecue, where hot older women say things to each other like, "Is it true what they say? I wanna do one" — my fire is extinguished. (For now.)
And with that, out comes Jimmy. Here's his routine. It ends with him reminding people to watch "America's Bingo Channel." And again, I miss the foreshadowing.
Now a look at upcoming reality shows. One is the search for America's best celebrity impersonator, though you have to wonder about the prospects for a pilot that is heavy on the bad acts; are there any good impersonator acts anymore, and who decides what's good and what's awful? "Give this guy the goldfinger," says one of the judges, a comedian I can't quite place, to a Sean Connery lookalike. My immediate reaction: I want to hear less from that guy and more from the Bond impersonator.
There's an extreme candid-camera show "Just for Laughs," a new season of "American Inventor" with George Foreman added to the judging panel, two obesity shows — one hosted by Shaq, one called "Fat March" that will challenge large people to walk 500 miles for cash — and "Oprah's Big Give," Her First Prime Time Series!, in which ordinary folks are challenged to give away huge prizes, Secret Santa style, to unsuspecting others.
Now the dramas. An extra-special video reel for the show we really hope hits it big next season, "Brothers And Sisters." Announcer guy: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Walkers," and sure enough, the cast members walk out. Every one of them reads a line off the prompter; some, like Sally Field, merit two or even three lines.
And then, a goofy clip reel for all the dramatic characters killed off by ABC over the years: Cute Bomb Guy, Mr. Eko, Denny Duquette, Mary Alice Young, Alexis, Nora ... and Jerry Springer on "Dancing with the Stars."
Then the Fray comes out and performs "How to Save a Life," over yet another emotive clip reel.
OK, now the dramas. "Pushing Daisies" from Sonnenfeld, about a young man who has the power to raise the dead — or kill them — with a single touch. It has a "Housewives" feel to it, only with a brighter palette. Chi McBride plays an unscrupulous cop who teams with the kid to collect rewards by reviving murder victims and asking them whodunit, then putting them back to sleep. Eww. Then again, Barry's partner is the creator of "Dead Like Me," so this may have chance.
"Private Practice," the "Grey's Anatomy" spinoff with Kate Walsh, who's going to recover from her broken relationship by getting into another one with Tim Daly by the end of the pilot episode. It takes place at an alternative healing center, which judging by the selectively edited piece we saw, appears to be the brunt of a lot of jokes. "So you're the quack," she says to the acupuncture guy (Daly). Taye Diggs plays her old friend at the wellness clinic. Maybe, with the two TD's in co-starring as opposed to starring roles, the show has a chance.
"Eli Stone" - the second show in a row with a scene that shows contempt for acupuncture. Hey, it's a free country and if people want to behave like the cancer docs I had to fire once when they yelled at me for getting needle sticks without their permission, that's fine, but you'd think millionaire TV writers in California would be the last ones to make fun of alt-med. Anyway, this looks like a show that doesn't know what it wants to be. It's about a lawyer who keeps hearing music in his head that leads him to make a paranormal connection with a kid who became autistic thanks to products from a client the lawyer represents ... still with me? If so, you may like this show.
"Cashmere Mafia": "They're powerful. They're beautiful. They have everything they've ever wanted, almost." OK, dog, check it out. A creator of "Sex in the City" is behind this show. Candace Bushnell, who wrote the "Sex AND the City" column for the New York Observer (hey, I'm in there!) that the HBO show adapted, is behind "Lipstick Jungle," another new show airing on another network, NBC, also at midseason. The only difference I can tell is that "Lipstick Jungle" is about three straight women, and this one's about three straight women and a straight woman … who falls for another woman. I liked the "Cashmere" cutdown much better than the "Lipstick" cutdown. But given ABC's track record with the Christian right (OK, alleged record), don't assume "Cashmere" will make it to air in its current form.
"Dirty Sexy Money": I want to like this show because Peter Krause is in it, even if it is a pretty direct adaptation of "The Lyon's Den." Donald Sutherland plays the lion who gets Krause into the high-powered law firm with the horrible secrets. Jill Clayburgh's in it, too. But the cutdown leaves me confused. Is it a drama or a dramedy? Will Dan Rather be in it every week? Does Mark Cuban have a problem with that? Why is Krause's character getting into fights with a priest?
"Women's Murder Club": Here's another show I want to like because two women I like, Elizabeth Craft and Sarah Fein, a writing team from "The Shield," are the writing team behind this. Adapted from James Patterson's novels, it stars Angie Harmon as a tough SFPD cop and her three pals who help solve crimes. The pilot looks solid, I'd like people to sample it, but ABC has insanely decided to put this on Friday nights at 8 p.m. in the Midwest. If you're going to put it on a weekend night, at least have the courtesy to schedule it at the latest possible hour (or is "20/20" going to be on Fridays at 9 until the end of time?).
"Big Shots": Four guys and the women they misunderstand or misogynize, take your pick. Looks hateful. Why is this thing getting the post-"Grey's Anatomy" time slot? Put the murder club here.
And then, with all that done, and in just an hour and 20 minutes, we can go home, right? Wait right there … it's BINGO TIME. Yes, to promote ABC's upcoming "National Bingo Night," which starts Friday, out comes the host, Ed Sanders, to hold an actual bingo game. I'll spare you the nine minutes of game instructions, bingo-ball-spinning, bingo-ball-announcing, and catchphrase-mongering (they're determined to get everyone saying "No Bingo!" I guess) and just cut to the ending, when a lucky audience member got a bingo and won a flat screen TV. Suddenly, the room exploded with confetti, bright lights flared, a marching band streamed out, dancers, you name it. The ending was kinda funny, but it's like one of those jokes that takes forever to tell … after a while, no punchline can save it.
I will close with this from Ed Sanders, who, while the confetti was getting in everybody's hair but his, declared: "You just don't get this on English television! God bless America!"
There just may be rioting in the streets over that development.
Posted by: Barbara/KC | May 16, 2007 at 03:03 PM
Due to html glitches, the quote was missing from my first post. Here's what I meant to say:
It has inked deals with two of the top cable operators, Time Warner and Cox, where they will agree to carry ABC shows on their video-on-demand services ... and have also agreed to disable the fast-forward feature that will allow viewers to skip the ads.
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That's the cause for rioting, if you ask me!
Posted by: Barbara/KC | May 16, 2007 at 03:07 PM
California resident and my wife, Wendy Alane Wright, has embarked on a 10-week, 550-mile walk from Boston to Washington D.C. as part of a new ABC reality show. "Fat March", slated to air in August will follow 12 super-sized contestants on their journey to lose weight and win cash. Wendy is also singer who wants to get the pounds off so she can get out on the road and tour to support her CD "As I Am", released Jan 2007.
"Fat March" is not Wendy's first time in the spotlight. Wendy was lead singer of the European musical group Def La Desh, who had two top 40 hits including “Feel The Rhythm.” She has also performed backup vocals for numerous notables including, Candy Dulfer, Johnny Lang, Billie Myers, Wayne Brady, Tatjana, Jeff Trachta, Solomon Burke and more. As you can see, I am very proud of my wife.
The Wednesday before Wendy left on her big TV adventure, she said to me, "I don't know how I let myself get so big, I don't know what I was thinking. The structure of the show and the group support of the other contestants is exactly what I need to help me get this weight off.”
I wish Wendy well on her amazing journey! Yes, 2007 is Wendy's time to "walk out of the background" and shine, so to speak, with an incredible debut CD, a new physique, possibly tens of thousands of dollars richer, and an experience of a lifetime.
To show support for Wendy and her march go to her website www.myspace.com/wendyalanewright.
Posted by: jim smith | May 23, 2007 at 12:17 PM