JANE, YOU IGNORANT TRIVIA QUESTION
"Saturday Night Live" makes a big deal of the "Five Timers" club when it comes to repeat hosting. Who hasn't hosted the show enough to make it into the less publicized "Ten Timers" club?
A) Alec Baldwin
B) John Goodman
C) Tom Hanks
D) Buck Henry
E) Steve Martin
[It's great to stay up late, but the correct answer has been laid to rest at the bottom of the column.]
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TV Barn's TV Picks for Friday through Sunday, May 18-20, 2007
by Tom Heald with Jon Delfin
All times Eastern
For PBS programs, check local listings
FRIDAY
7 p.m.
"Life With Derek" (Disney)
"My Gym Partner's a Monkey" (Cartoon)
7:30 p.m.
"Take Home Chef" (TLC)
"Code Lyoko" (Cartoon)
"In Video" (BETJ): Silk
8 p.m.
Life's a beach, and then he killed her and himself on "Dateline" (NBC; two hours).
EVERY TIME YOU GO AWAY
"America's Funniest Home Videos" (ABC)
"Stargate SG-1" (Sci Fi) takes the good guys hostage so the bad guys will think the team is on their side. Rumsfeld must be running this war too.
Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, Brian Williams, Charles Gibson, Dan Rather, Morley Safer, Don Hewitt, Mike Wallace, Robin Williams and Ted Koppel reveal that their collective news careers are nothing compared to "Uncle Walter" on "That's the Way It Is: Celebrating Cronkite at 90" (CBS).
THE MIND BOGGLES
Larry David cameos on "Hannah Montana" (Disney).
"It's All Geek to Me" (Discovery Science; also 8:30)
"WWE Friday Night SmackDown!" (CW)
"Instant Star" (Noggin)
"Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" (Cartoon)
"The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search" (CMT)
"Making the Cut" (TLC)
8:30 p.m.
"Cory in the House" (Disney)
"NOW" (PBS)
9 p.m.
"A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Caged?" (CBS) reveals how watching "Charlie's Angels" got the good doctor through puberty.
TELE-GEBRA
"Wheel of Fortune" + "Numb3rs" = "National Bingo Night" (A B1 C)
"Stargate Atlantis" (Sci Fi) awakens a race who are preparing for the end of time in a moon. And/or to be snorted by Keith Richards.
"Bill Moyers Journal" (PBS) examines the costs of war.
"Wife, Mom, Bounty Hunter" (WE)
"What Not to Wear" (TLC)
"Shorty McShorts' Shorts" (Disney)
9:30 p.m.
"Bandits vs. Smokies" (CMT)
10 p.m.
EVERY TIME YOUR UNNECESSARY GUEST STAR GOES AWAY
"Law & Order" (NBC): Harry Hamlin is accused of killing his wife. (With Tom Lehrer's "Masochism Tango" perhaps?)
"The Soup" (E!) du jour is Caveman Noodle Curry.
Are they psychic or psycho? "Painkiller Jane" (Sci Fi) interviews a slew of mental patients who all had the same nightmare about "Veronica Mars" being canceled.
3V3RY TIM3 YOU GO AWAY
"Numb3rs" (CBS) reveals a mind-blowing secret that will change the series forever: Don is actually Charlie's father.
"Gabon: The Last Eden" (National Geographic)
"Celebrity Eye Candy" (VH1)
"20/20" (ABC)
"Paula's Party" (Food): "Pie in the Sky"
"Intervention" (A&E)
11 p.m.
"Best Week Ever" (VH1)
"The Henry Rollins Show" (IFC): Joan Jett, the Blood Brothers
11:30 p.m.
"Basilisk" (IFC)
midnight
"Live at Gotham" (Comedy Central; season premiere): Al Jackson, Jeremy Schachter, Amanda Melson, Geoff Keith, Kurt Metzger, Joey Gay
THESE TALK SHOWS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY
* Maher: Bradley Whitford, Rep. Loretta Sanchez, John Fund, Russell Simmons, Sen. Christopher Dodd
* Rose: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, Sherwin Nuland
* Marina Nemat and Luke Wilson set off bottle rockets with Tavis.
* Teri Hatcher, Jonah Hill and Elvis Costello are just super, Dave. Thanks for asking.
* Jamie Foxx, Jimmy Fallon and Peter Bjorn & John raise Jay's ratings.
* Geoffrey Rush, Mary Lynn Rajskub and Linkin Park enjoy the free continental breakfast laid out by Jimmy.
* Luke Wilson, Oscar Nunez and Blonde Redhead welcome Conan to the Idiocracy.
* Gina Gershon, Dan Naturman and the Exies show Craig what there is to show.
* Jerry Bruckheimer and Dolores O'Riordan investigate "Last Call."
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SATURDAY
5 p.m.
A BLATANT ATTEMPT TO SUCK UP TO OUR READER
Preakness Stakes (NBC)
"The E! True Hollywood Story" (E!): "The Osbournes"
5:30 p.m.
"Kim Possible" (Disney)
7 p.m.
"An Act of Honor" (History)
8 p.m.
SWEEPSPLOITATION
* She married her childhood therapist and discovered he was a Fraudian on "Dateline" (NBC).
* "Cops" (Fox; see also 8:30): "High Crimes Special Edition No. 2"
"Triumph of the Nerds" (Discovery Science; also 9 & 10)
"Once Upon a Prom 2007" (MTV) with Bobby Valentino and Rihanna
"CNN: Special Investigations Unit" (CNN): "Danger: Poisoned Food"
"Emeril Live" (Food): "Express Lane"
"The 50 Greatest Game Shows of All Time" (GSN): 37-33
8:30 p.m.
SWEEPSPLOITATION
"Cops" (Fox): "Ohio Drug Arrests Special Edition"
9 p.m.
Relive "The Last Days of Left Eye" (VH1) of the group TLC.
APPLE PIE ORDER
* "America's Most Wanted" (Fox): "Police Tribute Special Edition"
* "America's Cutest Puppies" (WE)
* "America's Top Cowboy" (CMT)
"Robin Hood" (BBC America): "The Return of the King"
"Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels" (Food): "Fast Food"
"The Ultimate Guide: Bears" (Animal Planet)
"Real World Reunited: Las Vegas Casting Special" (MTV)
"The Real Deal" (TLC)
9:30 p.m.
"The Secret Life of ... Take Out Food" (Food)
"Adventures in Doggie Daycare" (WE)
"The Andy Milonakis Show" (MTV2)
10 p.m.
A stroll down the boardwalk is the last set of steps many women make in Atlantic City on "48 Hours Mystery" (CBS).
"The States" (History): Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Hawaii, South Carolina, Montana
"Wild at Heart" (BBC America)
"My First Home" (TLC; also 10:30)
10:15 p.m.
Boxing: Cory Spinks vs. Jermain Taylor (HBO)
THE CHINA SYNDROME on Cartoon Network
"Naruto" (7 p.m.), "Bobobo-bo Bo-Bobo" (8:30), "Naruto" (9), "One Piece" (9:30), "Bleach" (midnight), "Blood Plus" (12:30 a.m.)
VIVA VARIETY
Fred Willard makes for some "MADtv," Zach Braff and Maroon 5 take over "Saturday Night Live" and Dave Foley talks with Spike.
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SUNDAY
7 p.m.
She once played a gang member on TV. As "Dateline" (NBC) notes, things went downhill from there.
EVERY TIME YOU USE PROPANE
* "King of the Hill" (Fox; one hour) probes the evils of bodybuilding and frivolous lawsuits.
* "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" (ABC; two hours) helps a family who adopted two children with HIV. Mandy Moore performs for the family after the reveal.
"60 Minutes" (CBS)
7:55 p.m.
"Minuscule" (Disney)
8 p.m.
Dumped while proposing at a sports arena on the big screen and live TV, Wayne Brady creates "The List" (ABC Family) of what he wants in the perfect woman. Is Sydney Tamiia Poitier close enough, or are the flaws necessary to make the diamond sparkle?
EVERY TIME YOU CELEBRATE 400 EPISODES
"The Simpsons" (Fox; also 8:30) satirize decency laws thanks to guest star Ludacris and his toothpaste Luda-Crest and a downtrodden Kent Brockman, and spoof "24" with "Counter Truancy Unit" agents Kiefer Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub.
PETE REPEAT FOR THE BENEFIT OF THOSE WHO REFUSED TO BELIEVE THE SHOW MIGHT HAVE BECOME WATCHABLE AGAIN
"The Gilmore Girls" finale (CW)
"'Til Lies Do Us Part" (Lifetime)
"The Springer Hustle" (VH1)
"Emeril Live" (Food): "Emeril's Atlanta"
"World's Tallest Woman" (TLC)
8:30 p.m.
"Nick News Special Edition" (Nickelodeon): "Kids of Cons"
9 p.m.
EVERY TIME YOU GO DOWN THE AISLE
Bree and Orson return for a wedding, while unaware of another, secret wedding afoot on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC).
Learn what's in the recipes of the world's most famous chef as "Masterpiece Theatre" (PBS) uncovers "The Secret Life of Mrs. Beeton."
EVERY TIME YOU GIGGITY, GIGGITY AWAY
"Family Guy" (Fox) wants to be 18 again, so Death sends him "back to the future" where wacky mayhem ensues.
Tony's offers are refused on "The Sopranos" (HBO).
"Adventure Bhutan" (Discovery)
"Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs. Women" (VH1)
"Iron Chef America" (Food): Chef Morimoto vs. Tim Love
"Gene Simmons' Family Jewels" (A&E; one hour) "Memorial Day Special"
9:30 p.m.
EVERY TIME YOU GO PROFANE
Hayley's boyfriend Jeff faces the wrath of "American Dad: The Bounty Hunter" (Fox).
10 p.m.
EVERY TIME YOU GO AWAY
* Jason heads off to war on "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC). The better to get away from Cain and Abel.
* "The Girls Next Door" (E!)
* "Blood Ties" (Lifetime) fears a psychic.
Henry receives an audience with the Pope's envoy on "The Tudors" (Showtime).
Drama watched "The Sopranos" and knows not to refuse an offer on "Entourage" (HBO).
EVERY TIME YOU GO BACK ACROSS THE BORDER
"Mind of Mencia" (Comedy Central)
"Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School" (VH1) give all their old clothes to a thrift store, allowing other skanks to shop at discount prices.
"Snapped" (Oxygen)
10:30 p.m.
"50 Most Shocking Celebrity Scandals" (E!)
11 p.m.
"Talk Sex With Sue Johanson" (Oxygen)
midnight
"Exposure Film Special" (Sci Fi)
"Saul of the Mole Men" (Cartoon)
12:15 a.m.
"Moral Orel" (Cartoon)
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MONDAY NEWS IN BRIEF
ABC: "Dancing With the Stars," "The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman"
Fox: "24" (two hours)
NBC: "Deal or No Deal," "Heroes," "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" (special night)
FX: "The Riches"
BBC America: "Waking the Dead," "Footballers Wives"
ABC Family: "Falcon Beach"
Lifetime: "The Bad Son"
CNBC: "Conversations With Michael Eisner": John Travolta, Gloria Estefan, Micky Arison
Travel: "What's Your Trip"
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LIVE FROM NEW YORK
C) Hanks has hosted only eight shows. Steve Martin holds the record with 14, followed by Alec Baldwin (13), John Goodman (12) and Buck Henry (10). [Editor's note: Feel free to write to tomalhe@gmail.com, you Chevy Chase fans. /jd]
-- posted by Jon Delfin
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