The final TV Barn's TV Picks

I TRY TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE ALL OUR LITTLE JOYS RELATE
Which of the following actors was on "M*A*S*H" the longest?

A) Gary Burghoff
B) Larry Linville
C) David Ogden Stiers
D) Wayne Rogers
E) McLean Stevenson

[Please report to the bottom of the column and the nurses will help you scrub up for the correct answer.]

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TV Barn's TV Picks for Friday through Sunday, June 29-July 1, 2007
by Tom Heald with Jon Delfin
All times Eastern
For PBS programs, check local listings

FRIDAY
6 p.m.
YOUR EDITOR'S DAY JOB
When Kelly Clarkson became the first American Idol, I remember feeling sorry for her, because I feared that her development as an artist would cease as her handlers focused on her sound and her presentation. I'm glad to say that she has proven my concerns were at least partially unwarranted. But watch her sharing the stage with Reba McEntire on "Crossroads" (CMT) as they duet on "Does He Love You," and you'll see one singer who inhabits the story of the song, and another who's just singing the notes. I can't judge whether Clarkson was overly nervous or underrehearsed, but clearly, McEntire takes the girl to school. I only hope that she's open to the lesson.

7 p.m.
"My Gym Partner's a Monkey" (Cartoon)

7:30 p.m.
"The 5ive" (BET)

8 p.m.
Ovation unreels part 2 of the 1995 documentary, "A Personal Journey With Martin Scorsese Through American Movies" (concludes next week).

"WWE Friday Night SmackDown!" (CW)
"Emeril Live" (Food): "Army/Navy Cook-Off"

8:30 p.m.
"The Best Years" (Noggin; premiere)
"Now" (PBS)

9 p.m.
Matt and Emily are at a "Standoff" (Fox) when a hostage taker claims to know his negotiators personally.

Appearances are less than deceiving in the "Gil Mayo Mysteries" (BBC America).

Fran Lebowitz is likely not having the "Best Week Ever" (VH1).

"Bill Moyers Journal" (PBS)
"Man vs. Wild" (Discovery): Mexico's Copper Canyon
"Wife, Mom, Bounty Hunter" (WE)

10 p.m.
"20/20" (ABC) is glad not to have "Bingo" as a friggin' lead-in anymore.

"The Soup" (E!) du jour: illegal immigrant melting pot-au-feu.

"Painkiller Jane" (Sci Fi) fights a ghost in the machine.

"July 4: Exploding the Myths" (National Geographic)
"Exposé: America's Investigative Reports" (PBS): Part 2 of the chemical-security story
"Prankville" (CMT; also 10:30)
"I've Got Nothing to Wear" (TLC)

10:30 p.m.
"The Hum" (E!)

11:30 p.m.
"Basilisk" (IFC)

midnight
"Live at Gotham" (Comedy Central): Ryan Hamilton, Jonah Ray, Amy Schumer, Bryan Gutmann, Tom Sharpe, Vargus Mason
"SOAPnet's Sizzling Summer Secrets" (SOAPnet)

TALK SOUP
* Tim Roth and Robyn Hitchcock are reserved with Henry Rollins.
* Rose: Walt Mossberg, Steven Levy, John Heilemann, Martha Raddatz, Nina Totenberg, Jane Arraf, Eric Pooley
* Tavis Smiley welcomes evil pollster Frank Luntz.
* Dennis Kucinich, Shia LaBeouf and Morrissey transform Dave's show.
* Ethan Hawke, Carlos Mencia and Breaking Benjamin steal jokes from Jay.
* Robin Williams, "Ice Road Truckers" Hugh Rowland and T.J. Wilcox and T.I. are what's na-new with Jimmy.
* Chris Isaak and Cory Kahaney are in the swing of things with Craig.

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SATURDAY
8 p.m.
Three soap-loving "Children" compete to be "All My" on "SuperMADE" (MTV; season premiere, see also 9:30 & 10:30).

"Emeril Live" (Food): Leeks that endanger the CIA
"The Suite Life of Zack & Cody: Special Victims Unit" (Disney)
"Special Investigations Unit" (CNN): "Battlefield Breakdown"
"The 50 Greatest Game Shows of All Time" (GSN): 8-7

8:30 p.m.
"Cory in the House" (Disney)

9 p.m.
"Hex" (BBC America)
"America's Most Wanted" (Fox)
"The Emperor's New School" (Disney)
"Flip This House" (A&E)

9:30 p.m.
A cancer survivor wants to conga with celebrities on "SuperMADE" (MTV).

"Mr. Meaty" (Nickelodeon)

10 p.m.
"5 Takes Latin America" (Travel): Machu Picchu, Peru
"Confessions of a Matchmaker" (A&E)
"The Graham Norton Show" (BBC America): Ioan Gruffudd, Jessie Wallace
"Elite Xtreme Combat" (Showtime)
"Playboy's Girls of ... Playboy TV" (Playboy, duh)

10:30 p.m.
Crosstown rivals want to rock and roll all night and party every day on "SuperMADE" (MTV).

SKETCH COMEDY on Cartoon Network
"Naruto" (9 p.m.), "Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes" (9:30), "Bobobo-bo Bo-Bobo" (10), "One Piece" (10:30), "Bleach" (midnight), "Blood Plus" (12:30 a.m.)

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SUNDAY
11 a.m.
Andrew Lloyd Webber, Bryan Ferry, Duran Duran, Elton John, the English National Ballet, the Feeling, Fergie, James Morrison, Joss Stone, Kanye West, Lily Allen, Nelly Furtado, Natasha Bedingfield, Orson, P. Diddy, Ricky Gervais and Mackenzie Crook, Pharrell Williams, Roger Hodgson of Supertramp, Rod Stewart, Take That, Tom Jones, Status Quo and first "Pop Idol" Will Young perform a "Concert for Diana" (VH1), live.

6 p.m.
TELE-GEBRA
"13 Going on 30" x "My Best Friend's Wedding" = "How I Married My High School Crush" (Lifetime): A wish by said crush fast-forwards both teens' lives to their wedding day.

7 p.m.
"The Loop" (Fox; special time [relatively], see also 8:30 & 9:30) asks, What would a guy named "Crazy Goat" do? Answer: Write the next season of "According to Jim."

"60 Minutes" (CBS)
"Dateline NBC" (NBC)

8 p.m.
Elton John, Duran Duran, Bryan Ferry, Joss Stone, Rod Stewart, Tom Jones and Kanye West perform a "Concert for Diana" (NBC), on tape.

"Alaska: Dangerous Territory" (History), brought to you by ADT.

"The Secret Show" (Nicktoons; season premiere)

8:30 p.m.
UNNECESSARY BENEFACTOR GUEST STAR PATROL
"The Loop" (Fox): Mark Cuban. Plot: Sam wears a fat suit.

"Kappa Mikey" (Nicktoons)

9 p.m.
Some punks rough up Seth, Dr. Smith starts treating Marissa, and "John From Cincinnati" (HBO) and Ryan start writing a new chapter in their comic book.

"The Next Food Network Star" (Food) create a brand of packaged food as their legacy.

"The 4400" (USA) hope for an out-of-ratings experience.

"Foyle's War, Series IV" ("Mystery!", PBS): "Bleak Midwinter"
"Super Comet: After the Impact" (Discovery Science)
"Bridezillas" (WE)

9:30 p.m.
GERONIMO!
"The Loop" (Fox) becomes a circus, and in the final two minutes, Sam wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette.

10 p.m.
Johnny and the Vice President fight crime in a world without hope in "The Dead Zone" (USA).

The feds get suspicious in the "Meadowlands" (Showtime).

Will "Entourage" (HBO) be accepted at Cannes? Or will the boys just settle for reading Ari's stack of Oui magazines.

"Army Wives" (Lifetime) learn of affairs on Independence Day. Bombs away.

EVERY TIME YOU SAY GOODBYE WITH YOUR PINKIE RAISED
* "Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School" (VH1)

"Ice Road Truckers" (History): "Dash for the Cash"
"My Husband Is Gay" (BBC America)
"Platinum Weddings" (WE)
"The Simple Life Goes to Camp" (E!)

10:30 p.m.
"Flight of the Conchords" (HBO) gets mugged.

Miss "Sunset Tan" (E!; season finale) is named. Probably "Becky" or "Jackie."

10:55 p.m.
"Minuscule" (Disney) continues to spell its name properly, and as promised, we continue to mention it.

midnight
"Saul of the Mole Men" (Cartoon)

12:15 a.m.
"Moral Orel" (Cartoon)

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MONDAY NEWS IN BRIEF
ABC: "Extreme Makeover"
Fox: "Hell's Kitchen"
NBC: "Age of Love," "Dateline NBC"
PBS: "History Detectives," "Simon Schama's Power of Art"
ABC Family: "Kyle XY"
TNT: "The Closer," "Heartland"
HBO: "Big Love"
E!: "The Soup Presents: The Worst of '07"
WE: "Cruel and Unusual: Transgender Women in Prison"
Ovation: "Andy Warhol: The Complete Picture"
Sundance: "Stagedoor"

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THE LOSING CARD I'LL SOMEDAY LAY SO THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY
A) Radar stuck around seven seasons. The teddy bear stuck around until the penultimate show.

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THE LAST WORD
Editor's privilege, doncha know. The withdrawal has already begun, as I become aware of the upcoming new shows on TNT, FX, USA, Sci Fi, ABC Family, Lifetime, Bravo, Comedy Central, BBC America, AMC, TCM and of course HBO and Showtime, shows I would have brought to your attention by hook or by Heald. Do please keep an eye open for these things, and on my behalf, give a thought to mocking all of the pretend-psychic shows, not to mention ripping BBCA a new one for the way they eviscerate the dramas, cutting story to create ad time.

To the Remote Patrol group members: I hope you'll join us at the TVBarn2 Google group and at tvbarn.com, where the dialogue will continue. Also recommended: thefutoncritic.com, myway.com's TV listings, Sue's Late Night TV Page at interbridge.com/lineupsdate.html, and many critics such as you'll find in the Crixlist at tvbarn.com. And when "Wordplay" airs on "Independent Lens" (PBS) next year, I hope you enjoy it. Many thanks to Tom for his astonishingly exhaustive work, to Aaron for providing the medium, and to all of you. /jd