ALSO BY ME: Leno rises to occasion, Huckabee doesn't
They all talked about beards.
Conan had a beard. So did Dave. Craig Ferguson pasted on a fake one for an opening sketch, then made a joke in his monologue about shaving one off. And Jimmy Kimmel shaved off the goatee of Guillermo, one of his regular-people regulars.
Other than that, and the constant references to the ongoing writers' strike that continues to afflict late-night TV despite its resumption, it was business as usual for the first time since the Writers Guild of America declared "pencils down" two months ago. And if there was no sign of the strike ending — talks broke off Dec.7 and no resumption is scheduled — Wednesday's return of the late-night hosts provided no new augurs. The fact that the WGA did a deal with David Letterman so he and Craig Ferguson could return with writers did supply their show with a conspicuous advantage in skits and other forms of written comedy. (In fact, Ferguson's "Late Late Show," in a kind of tribute to the writer's craft, featured no guests and nothing but written comedy bits.) But that was offset, for tonight at least, by strong individual performances from Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno at NBC, who will have to fend off their better-equipped competition until the writers' strike is over.
Jay Leno
Actually, I'm not sure Leno said a word about facial hair. But that made sense, since he — more than any of the other late-night hosts who returned to the airwaves Wednesday night — was trying to pretend like it was business as usual. And why not? Of the five hosts, he stood the most to lose if viewers detected that he was returning to the air minus his usual complement of joke writers, who were still on strike, though noticeably absent from the large daylong protest outside his studios. Leno is the king of late night, with more than 4 million tuning in on average for the "Tonight Show" on NBC. He already knows he'll have to make do without A-list actors until the end of the strike.
Leno's monologue was remarkably ordinary — it was about as long as it usually is, with plenty of Lenoesque punchlines that have become part of the nighttime routine for millions, and a source of annoyance to TV critics everywhere. The important thing is, it worked, and Leno did a great job simulating "The TOnight Show" with writers. The question now is: How long can he keep this up? Is he relying on non-union faxers to give him material he can hone into jokes? Will anyone of consequence breach the picket line to promote their movie? And is Leno's million-viewer lead in the ratings safe?
David Letterman
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. No, not at any of the jokes or comedy routines in the first 17 minutes of "Late Show" Wednesday night. Rather, it was when Dave's first guest, Robin Williams, came out and started riffing on the host's Wolf Blitzerish "strike beard" that I grabbed my gut and tried to remember to breathe. "Ladies and gentlemen, General Lee! The Civil War reenactment will begin shortly! You should have a cough drop named after you! Thank you, Dale Carnegie!" etc. etc. etc.
The problem, of course, is that Robin Williams can't do the show every night. And while having Hal Gurnee come back to direct a "Network Time Killers" segment was fine for old times' sake, it was also the weakest part of the show. Letterman has access to every top movie and TV star he wants. Leno can't have them, as long as they respect the Screen Actors Guild request to avoid struck shows. "Late Show" bookers should be stuffing their schedule with the big names, right now. This would be the time to seize the advantage from Leno. But will they? Does Dave really want to win late night?
Conan O'Brien
Quick quiz, for those of you who were watching NBC: When is "American Gladiators" coming back? I haven't had a bug stare at me that long since I caught a grasshopper in a glass jar when I was six.
A strong, if uneven, effort from the king of late-late night, who sported a full beard as well, so red that (in a hilarious split screen) he resembled a young Kris Kringle from the TV special. Oddly enough, the highlight of the evening was O'Brien's failing to break his own personal record of keeping his wedding ring spinning on his desk (41 seconds, set in a rehearsal), followed by a perfectly-timed horse laugh from Mark Pender's golden trumpet. O'Brien is better positioned than Leno to stick out a long strike, thanks to stronger interviewing skills, his wackier sense of humor and his eagerness to please — in another laugh-out-loud moment, Conan danced on his desk to several dozen bars of "The Magnificent Seven," as played by the Max Weinberg 7.
Funniest line: "Think about it: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, The Masturbating Bear, The Walker Texas Ranger Lever – it's all writing. Well, not the Masturbating Bear. That's just instinct."
Jimmy Kimmel
Kimmel has friends and family that he can, and often does, drag onto stage during his show. He, too, is well positioned to ride out a strike without writers. Wednesday's show introduced a nice segment, wherein old comedy bits are replayed, resulting in a modest residual to be paid to a striking writer.
Craig Ferguson
First, a tip o'the hat to Ferguson for opening his monologue with a Jack Paar line: "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted..." It's almost like he read my profile of him in today's paper.
Ferguson's all-scripted-comedy ideas worked well, if for no other reason than he's game for just about anything. Play a Scottish shepherd who talks to his stuffed lamb, Dolly? No problem. Put on false teeth and ears and pretend to be Prince Charles hosting a late-night talk show? Good as done! Most of the bits required only that the dust be shaken off, after two months on the shelf, and with a little preparation from a card-carrying Writers' Guild member, they were ready to go. And so was the host.
Funniest line: "I grew up in an environment of strikes. Britain in 1970s, everyone on strike. Coal miners, postal workers, the dentists ... I’ll never forget the British dental strike of 1979. It’s still going! They never resolved it!"
