Party time means party talk and talk about party food

There was a TCA party for Fox and FX talent at the Santa Monica Pier last night. I interviewed "Shield" creator Shawn Ryan and various cast members for an upcoming piece. I got an update on "Dollhouse" from its lord and master, Joss Whedon.

Spike Feresten, seen here making a promotional reel for the affiliates with "24" executive producer Jon Cassar, chatted with me about the upcoming season of his "Talk Show," which hasn't aired a new episode since January because of the writers' strike. He's got a 22-episode order for this season, but since Fox makes him shoot all the shows way in advance, he's already dreading scenarios like the one last season with Adam Carolla, which reaired in the spring as Carolla was appearing on "Dancing with the Stars" -- a fact Feresten never mentions on the show because it had been taped in the fall.

My pal James Hibberd of the Hollywood Reporter does a great job covering TV critics' tour. On twitter the other day I wrote, "sitting next to James Hibberd, watching him type cut paste and write like a chimp on Ritalin, wondering where I can get me some of that." So it was with some discomfort that I worked my way through this posting of his all about the food served at TCA parties like the one last night.

After attending a certain cable channel's soiree and surveying the miniburgers, Hibberd wrote:

Yet the gloom of the critics is not due to low-budget cable network parties … exactly. For this press tour, TCA actually told the networks not to worry about making a splashy impression -- don’t spend more than you need to, it’s okay, really, we don’t need to be wined and dined, boxed lunches are fine.

So gripes about meager dinner portions tend to be half-hearted. Because the vanishing of limos rides to Spago and the substitution of make-your-own sliders reminds critics how networks have cut back their investment in TCA.

Which reminds them of how publications are likewise cutting back their commitment to send reporters to cover the tour.

Which reminds them of the staggering number of layoffs throughout the publishing industry. Downsizing that’s like some relentless horror movie villain that never stops coming after you. Every critic here has friends and colleagues who have lost their jobs. They worry they are next.

Yeah, I know. It’s a lot of symbolism to pack onto a tiny burger.

Too much, in fact. Look, I know he's trying to make a point here. What I don't get is why so much commentary about TCA always center on the free food. (TANSTAAFL, indeed.)

As I see it, the purpose of party food at TCA is twofold: Feed the talent so they will stay at the party and feed the critics so they will stay at the party. Ideally the talent, happy to have free food and drink, will submit to interviews by the critics. But all kinds of things can interfere with that — pushy publicists, aloof celebrities, celebs who just want to hang with their friends, music pumped too loud, journalists too tired to tape, etc. etc. But that's the general idea.

In this scenario, it seems to me that one group and one group only has the right to bitch about the food, and that's the celebrities. After all, they can jump in their cars and go to a much nicer place to eat. Even though Hibberd was using food as a metaphor for the state of TCA critics, any time you put the word "critics" next to "food" ... well, let's just say commentary comes easier than indigestion. And when someone comments on the food (which doesn't happen much around me, I must say), someone else always seems to be nearby to report on the commentary.

It's not that passing judgment on the victuals was suddenly taboo once our newspapers started to slide. I just don't get why we ever passed judgment on the food. Even in Beverly Hills, the Subway's just down the street.