Santa Claus demands massive bailout

By Alex R. Dahl
Special to TV Barn

NORTH POLE, December 24, 2008 -- Rumors that Santa Claus may be the latest and most high-profile victim of the worldwide credit crisis sent world stock markets roiling and children's hopes plummeting today as Wall Street analysts warned that Santa's entire production and distribution network could collapse by the end of the day without an infusion of several trillion dollars from the federal government.

"We believe the situation is dire and there is real possibility that Santa will be unable to complete gift manufacturing and execute delivery operations this week," Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs, said. "He needs an enormous lifeline and he needs it now."

Insight Bowl to air on local TV

Not a shocker here, but the various parties involved in the rights to next week's Insight Bowl telecast between Minnesota's Golden Gophers and the Kansas Jayhawks sure took their sweet time figuring out how they were going to make this available to the two teams' fan bases. And even now, some Minnesota fans are still out in the cold (or, more accurately, will have to venture out in the cold on Dec. 31 to see the game at a sports bar).

The 'Two and a Half Men' lawsuit

TMZ (yes, your official news source for all things Paris, LiLo and co.) has an item today about a multi-million-dollar lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court yesterday over the production costs for "Two and a Half Men," which CBS airs and Warner Bros. owns.

The suit claims W.B. and CBS struck a deal -- that CBS would pay a lower-than-marketplace fee in seasons 5 and 6, but if the show was a hit CBS would reimburse W.B. for certain losses. ... W.B. claims during the first four seasons it incurred a loss of $61,097,418. W.B. alleges CBS was obligated to reimburse the company for some or all of the deficits, depending on the national ranking of the show. W.B. claims in spite of the fact that the show is a success and currently in season 6, CBS refuses to pay more than $49,000,000 it's owed.

Tina Fey named Entertainer of the Year - ya think?

As I told KNX News Radio's Dick Helton in the interview linked below, it would have been inappropriate if anyone other than Tina Fey -- who spanned both news and entertainment, politics and pop culture -- had been named the AP Entertainer of the Year:

Click to listen to me on KNX (MP3)

It's the end-of-2008 Mexican hat dance, with NBC as the hat

I think NBC will just be glad to have 2008 in the books. Never has the B.S. executive phrase, "We're just focusing on the future," been more fondly embraced than I suspect it is around Burbank these days.

Two of TVB's favorite critical colleagues can't let the year end, however, without taking the formerly full-service network to task. James Poniewozik lines up his 10 Worst TV Shows right there in a row -- that way, he only has to use one bullet -- and three of the bottom four shows are NBC shows. (And the other one was "The strike," in which NBC was also a guilty party.) Perhaps more tellingly, only one other show in James's list even appeared on a broadcast network (Fox's loathsome "Do Not Disturb"). ABC and CBS may have had challenges in 2008, but other than the mistake of stiff-arming the writers, none of those was self-inflicted.

SAG strike update (for those who haven't been paying attention)

Is SAG really going to do it -- shut down Hollywood and take every network show off the air for the second time in two years?

It just might.

Wolff's great new biography portrays Murdoch as 20th century fox

Michael Wolff's irresistible new biography of Rupert Murdoch, The Man Who Owns the News: Inside the Secret World of Rupert Murdoch, is a stylish expose of the ruthless media baron who built an empire on broken promises and editorial meddling.

No, wait! It's actually a clever hagiography of Murdoch that whitewashes his role in the destruction of American media and presents him as some kind of acquirer-savant who helped transform a moribund news business ... and might be turning liberal, anyway.

Either of the above interpretations would be perfectly acceptable takeaways after a reader breezed through Wolff's entertaining 300-page treatment of Murdoch.

Live from the State House! It's Rod Blagojevich's greatest hits

So guess who was in Springfield, Illinois, on Thursday.

Mrs. TVB and I were coming here anyway, because she's going to be giving talks on Abraham Lincoln and women's suffrage for the Kansas Humanities Council soon, and we wanted to visit the Lincoln Presidential Museum before she hit the hustings. (It's a great museum. At points it gets a little too Disney for my tastes -- everything has a lush, John Williams-esque score behind it -- but it tells its subject's story coherently and powerfully well, which a good museum these days ought to do. Plus, we got our pictures taken with Abe!)

After lunch, we wondered: What else is there to see in this town, anyway?

And that's how we wound up in Room 114 in the Illinois State Capitol watching the extraordinary proceedings of the state committee to investigate Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

Finally, Al Jazeera English blankets U.S.

So how much longer is it really going to matter that Al Jazeera English is not available on American cable systems?

You may know I've written about this, a few times, in the past. Thanks to a new live-streaming program, however, it is now possible to watch the Qatar-based news channel with the decidedly non-Western-powers P.O.V. 24/7 on your computer.

Want to know more about I Can't Believe SAG's Going to Strike?

The L.A. labor lawyer Jonathan Handel was one of the most reliable, fair-minded and quotable sources during the Writers Guild of America strike. Of course, he was also pro-strike ... up to a point. Mostly he was pro-labor and my feeling was that if the WGA leadership had tried pushing their luck, he wouldn't have hesitated to tell them to stop being selfish and stupid.

Which is exactly what he's been doing in his criticism of the Screen Actors Guild leadership as they push needlessly, senselessly, what-are-you-thinking-ly toward shutting down Hollywood for a second time in two years. While few people actually expect that to happen, especially with actors starting to push back against their own union, Jonathan's insights and analysis are always worth hearing. And guess what? You can hear them this afternoon for yourself, unfiltered. He's leading an investors' conference call on the SAG situation, and you're welcome to listen in. Info's below.

"Bachelor," "Bachelorette" auds tomorrow at Midland

Are you looking for that special someone? Someone, as they say on TV, that you want to "be with"? Are you ready to get married now -- as in, right now? Have you ever had a restraining order against you?

Time Warner Cable channel changes

Here's the legal notice posted this week by the KC's leading cable supplier. Missing from it is the notice that MLB Network will be available to all Digital Tier customers on channel 199 (and HD on 1199) on 1-1-09. (Channel numbers subject to change, of course.)

Don't get too worked up about the first part of the announcement -- it's called "Legal Notice" for a reason. I doubt Time Warner is going to yank Comedy Central or E!.

Yule have trouble staying awake through this

Now here's a clever idea....in the tradition of the WPIX (now WGN) Yule Log, the PBS cable service Sprout is offering a "Snooze-a-Thon" featuring characters from "The Good Night Show," saying good night and then ... snoozing. According to the PR, Sprout has heard that parents have a hard time getting the kiddos to bed on Christmas Eve (thanks, Walmart!). "We help parents wind down their kids every night with 'The Good Night Show,' but wanted to do something unique and fun for this special evening," said VP/programming Andrew Beecham.

The telecast starts at 5 p.m. CT Wednesday, Dec. 24, and continues for 11 hours. So expect a knock on your door at 4 a.m.

The "Idol" tweaks: So suddenly quality matters?

Gee, I wonder why "American Idol" is suddenly so interested in increasing the "aspirational" content on the show. Could it have something to do with the two aspirants above? Could it be the fact that aspirational singers often make for superior talent -- and that "Idol" is ostensibly a talent show and that is why most people tune in to watch "Idol," not because they enjoy the old Sanjaya bait-and-switch?

With its future audience no longer guaranteed, "Idol" is finally facing middle age and growing up.

Clooney, other A-listers sign letter opposing SAG strike

Jonathan Handel, the former Writers Guild lawyer and Hollywood strike expert, prints a copy of the open letter sent to the leadership of the Screen Actors Guild begging them not to call a work stoppage next month.

In all, 130 card-carrying SAG members -- among them Minnie Driver, Sally Field, Jennifer Garner, Ed Helms (!) -- signed the letter, which urges leadership to take the gains won from this year's WGA strike and stop the insanity.

Shockingly, Marg Helgenberger's name wasn't on the list.

My Bob Gretz moment

Remember at the very end of Gunther Cunningham's tenure as head coach of the Chiefs? The team wasn't playing the Atlanta Falcons so much as providing a handy surface for removing mud from the Falcon players' cleats when Mitch Holthus asked his radio sideline reporter to opine on whether Cunningham's job was safe. I can't quote Bob Gretz's response verbatim, except to say that he said words to the effect of: Anybody who tells you that Gunther Cunningham's job is in jeopardy doesn't understand how this organization is run.

Of course, Cunningham was gone within a week of that comment.

Well, guess who did it this morning on San Diego's news-talk powerhouse? Me. Only this time, it took mere hours from the time I assured Chip Franklin that GM Carl Peterson's job was safe until ... oh well. That's the last time I dispense any kind of prognostications about anything NFL-related (so don't even ask about NFL Network games on Time Warner -- I have no idea -- I'm guessing Time Warner has no idea, either).

A "Life on Mars" sequel? Really?

Apparently the producers of the original British version of "Life on Mars" did a "Deadwood" -- stopped production of that show so they could do this show: "Ashes to Ashes," in which the storyline is fast-forwarded to 1981 but still finds Chief Inspector Hunt (still Philip Glenister) toiling away in the Manchester P.D. Only this time the detective from the future is a woman. A ... sexy woman (played by Keeley Hawes).

BBC America grabbed the U.S. rights and will be airing the show starting in March.

Putting the SNL Paterson sketch to the blind test

Chip Franklin and I talked about the controversial sketch on KOGO Radio in San Diego today -- but not before I made an ill-advised prediction regarding the future of the general manager of the Kansas City Chiefs:

NBC's Leno deal, if Jeff Zucker were Mr. Smithers

"We already gave up! Don't you remember FEAR FACTOR?"

Good stuff from Ken Levine.

What's working: The year's best TV

Here's what was working for me in 2008. Yes, it's time for my annual Best TV Shows Slash Great Last-Minute Gift Ideas List. Special to the web: Every single show below is linked to its online or DVD-purchase page!