So you know that Chuck Lorre, the co-creator of "Two and a Half Men" and "Big Bang Theory," has been flashing hilarious messages in small print during the two seconds allotted to him in each episode's closing credits. That he's been doing these "vanity cards" since he got his producer's credit on "Cybill." That he has a website with every one of the vanity cards posted over the years.
You may also know that from time to time, he can't get the message cleared by the network. And so he posts them online, making sure you know it's been "CENSORED." Once CBS wouldn't let him air his complaints about his fight with the network over a Catholic character on the show. Another time the network put its foot down on a card titled, "Words that confuse the CBS censor."
But this is the best one yet.
The unapproved vanity card, which was supposed to air during Monday's "Two and a Half Men" episode, slyly riffs on the recent divorce of Sumner Redstone, the 106-year-old chairman of Viacom. At first it starts out like a repressed memory from Chuck's childhood ...
Mom and Dad are fighting again. I used to think they didn't get along 'cause I wasn't good enough. For years and years I tried to be better ...
... before it takes a diabolically funny detour:
God, if you're listening, please make Mom and Dad be nice to each other. I'm too little to make a difference, but you're God, you can do anything -- even help Dad sell off his chain of movie theaters for ten cents on the dollar. Or Showtime. Doesn't matter as long as it's worth forty-nine million dollars and makes Mom stop crying.
Showtime, of course, is run under the CBS banner, but it used to be a Viacom property and Redstone is still the major shareholder in CBS through his family's original chain, National Amusements -- hence the movie theaters reference. (I doubt that Chuck is writing in the voice of Sumner's daughter Shari, who's been long estranged from her father, since Sumner's latest ex, Paula Fortunato, is not Shari's mom.)
The only reason I discovered this vanity card was that we were on the set of "The Big Bang Theory" yesterday and somebody asked about it and, for a story I'm writing this morning, I decided to check out some recent cards. Speaking to a room of TV critics, Lorre gave no indication that anything unusual had happened lately with his little creations:
QUESTION: One quick follow-up. Do you get more reaction to the things you say after the end credits roll than the show itself?
CHUCK LORRE: You know, that's actually become really gratifying that people read those things, and it's gotten me into a little bit of trouble as well. Yeah, I enjoy it. It's a different kind of writing. Yeah. When you meet people and they say they read them, it's "Really? Wow. Okay. Terrific." That wasn't the idea when we started out. It was just kind of a silly idea from the beginning.
You missed this earlier one:
http://chucklorre.com/index.php?p=223c
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #223 (CENSORED)
OPEN LETTER TO SUMNER REDSTONE
Dear Sumner,
Just saw that you're single again. I'm sorry, dude. Love hurts. I too have recently returned to being the loneliest number. Which is what got me to thinking that maybe you and me could hang out, you know, hit some clubs, chat up the ladies. I've gotta believe you'd make a killer wingman (ooh, great idea for a dating/reality show: "Prenup Chuck and the Endless Sumner"). I also saw that you're going through a little tough time in the ol' money department. Not to worry. The drinks are on me. You can tip the waitress... if you promise not to marry her! (Just kidding. I kid the moguls. Ask Rupert.)
Your pal,
Chuck
Posted by: Garry | January 19, 2009 at 01:16 PM
oh that chuck lorre--he's quite a card!
I like his cards a lot...discovered them via Dharma and Greg...great use of a vanity card, seriously i'm surprised other producers havn't ripped it off as well. I'm always happy when i take the time to try and read it from the screen. He's funny...and I still think 2 and 1/2 men is funny too, 6 years into its run and its still more then capable of working up a good couple of belly laughs... that's pretty impressive. I hope The Big Bang Theory gets to have as nice a run. (which it looks like it will thanks to its strong showing in that anchor spot.)
Posted by: matt stechel | January 20, 2009 at 04:29 AM