Highlights from Jay Leno's last monologue

(This isn’t the whole of it — just the highlights.)

Welcome to the exciting season finale of the TONIGHT SHOW, ladies and gentlemen.

As you know, this is our last show after 17 years. I want to thank all the people that made it possible - Michael Jackson, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton ...

Seventeen years! Do you realize when I started this show, my hair was black and the president was white. Did you know that? When we started this show 17 years ago, Jon and Kate were both 8! The only thing that hasn't changed in 17 years? The Clippers still suck.

I tell you, NBC has been nothing but great today. Jeff Zucker called me, said that I can purchase the robe that's hanging in my room.

People have been asking "what are you gonna do after your last show? Are you going on vacation?" I will be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me. NBC prime time.

As many as you know, we're not really leaving. We're coming back at 10 o'clock in September. And i'll admit, it’s a gamble. I'm betting everything NBC will be around in 3 months.

As you know, President Obama was here in Los Angeles this week to bring his message of change to Hollywood, and really, there's no place in America that loves change more than Hollywood, the place that brought you four TERMINATOR sequels, ten POLICE ACADEMY movies and 29 STAR TREK films. This town runs on new and innovative ideas, doesn't it folks?

I tell ya, Kev, the economy is bad! In West Hollywood I saw a gay bar having a "ladies night." That's how bad the economy is.

I saw a possum playing dead, just to try and collect the insurance money.

You know what's hurting - state fairs. Attendance is so low, carnival workers are being forced to molest each other.

You know the the rapper DMX...today i saw him riding around on a BMX.

We've had a lot of fun doing these jokes about the economy - you know the reason why they work is because they're an homage to one of the all-time great comics, and a longtime friend of the show, Rodney Dangerfield. I loved Rodney. [and then a clip reel]

Comments

[Randy]

Leno was always stiff hosting the show. Childish with his guests, cornering them when they said something silly and insignificant and not letting them off the hook until he thought he had played out the supposed laugh only he was getting out of it. I think he was at his best and most relaxed doing "Jaywalking". Why he got the show in the first place baffles me. Conan will be a welcome change and I think it is a cop out and disservice that Jay is going his own show the hour before the Tonight Show comes on. He should have more respect for himself and Conan's chance at making a go at taking over the show.

[ML]

I could be wrong, but it seems to me that Letterman started doing the Rodney Dangerfield shtick first, and then Leno picked it up later. I wonder if Leno will continue to steal Letterman's material in his new prime time gig.

[Cheryl Schnell]

Jay is a wonderful human being and I will miss seeing him til the fall. He is genuine. I never could get use to Connan. His stuff is stupid and not very funny in my eyes. He carries the younger audience. I wish Jay the best of luck in the fall and I know he will be very successful. Thanks for a wonderful 17 years Jay.

[Jim]

Wow! Some angry posts above. This is why there is more than network. So people can have a choice. I think that Jay is SO much better than Letterman. Letterman stopped being funny around 1995. It seems like his writers take random phrases put them in a box and draw them out for his jokes. He's like a live version of Mad Libs. Whereas Jay's jokes are topical, biting and funny. I'm glad Jay is NOT going away. I don't think Conan will be able to keep Jay's quality or ratings up. And Letterman may still get to be number 1. After nearly two decades. What progress.

[Abby]

Jay really has been pretty good over the years. Loved Carson. Liked Leno. Have never really warmed up to Conan. We'll see.

[thomas wharton]

I liked th guy myself, it is all in good fun anyway. I appeared on the show myself back in 1989 with the USAF Thunderbirds, he treated us with respect and it was a fun time had by all.

You will be missed - a job well done in my book

Tom - NYC

[Frank]

Conan sucked badly in his first show. This guy went to Harvard ? Harvard certainly has low standards. The long distance run across the country at the beginning was truly B-O-R-I-N-G.

I miss Jay. Bring him back and send Conan to CBS.